"I Am Not a Human Being." A self-proclaimed "Martian." Lil Wayne has written countless lyrics hammering into the skulls of fans that he's an extraterrestrial and an otherworldly rapper. If science fiction has taught us anything, it's that our encounters will alien life forms will always be cinematic. "E.T.," the monoliths from "2001: A Space Odyssey," "Suburban Commando" -- it's weird, wild stuff. So why have Weezy's transmissions from prison via his Weezy Thanx You blog been so consistently boring? Has life behind bars tempered Lil Wayne?
In his final update from Rikers Island before his planned release on Thursday, Lil Wayne once again writes about how many letters he's received and how his heart is always smiling and how much he thanks everyone for their support. Essentially, the same message he's been broadcasting on his blog since May. We understand a prison stint should be spent reflecting about the crime you've committed and it's a time for serious sincerity, but couldn't Weezy -- one of the greatest lyricists of our time -- throw us at least one punch line from time to time, just to let us know he's still our favorite Martian? Pre-prison Weezy: "I rap like I done died and gone to heaven I swear, and yeah, I'm a bear like black and white hair, so I'm polar. And they can't get on my system 'cause my system is the solar, I am so far from the oh-thers, I mean others. I could eat them for supper, get in my spaceship and hover, hover." In-prison Weezy: "I'd like to thank everyone that sent me B-Day cards and wishes... that was terrific. You all are wonderful, simply wonderful." He's like a Hallmark writer now.
In one fleeting moment in his most recent letter, however, Wayne does his best to assuage our fears by writing that upon his release from prison, "I will be the same Martian I was when I left, just better." Let's all cross our fingers that comes true when Weezy beams out of prison Thursday.
[Photo: Kevin Winter/WireImage]