If Rolling Stone can be the subject of a coming-of-age movie, why can't Pitchfork be the center of a dramatic thriller? Pitchfork, The Movie! -- OK, the working title is simply Pitchfork -- a proposed film by Mark and Jay Duplass (The Puffy Chair, Cyrus) would tell the story of an indie rocker who becomes the victim of the website's infamous snark as well as a car accident. After his death, the unlucky musician's mother goes after the P4k writer who did her son wrong and is appalled to find he's just a teen.
Who would you cast as this mean-spirited scribe? Michael Cera? Patrick Fugit (he's probably free and has experience)? According to the L.A. Times, Jonah Hill has been in talks for the part and Susan Sarandon is being eyed for the role of the vengeful mother.
How to mock this idea? Oh, there are so many ways. We could give it a premature 4.3. We could call in the Dismemberment Plan to critique the script (actually, maybe Travis Morrison is writing the screenplay?). We could review it by typing up a long story about our attempt to interview the Beastie Boys. We could love it and then slam the sequel. As Spin editor Steve Kandell just tweeted, sounds like Se7.5en Point Five. But the real question is how will the Pitchfork Reviews Reviews guy cover this news.
[Photo of Jonah Hill getting read to lay down a wicked brick of snark: Jesse Grant/WireImage.com]