"American Idol" returned with its new judging panel last night, giving Jennifer Lopez a last-ditch shot to save her music career, Randy Jackson the opportunity to show off his secret Harry Potter obsession, and Aerosmith frontman Steven Tyler a chance to prove to Kid Rock that joining the show in its tenth season as its ratings and selling power are on the wane was not the stupidest thing he'd ever done. Verdict after one episode: This was a very good idea. It was almost as much fun as Dan Rather on election night! We barely remember any of the contestants -- save for the weepy girl who turned into a bikini girl, then covered up her boobs when it was time to sing something "more emotional" -- but we sure remember these bon mots from slick Steven. Also, at one point, he simply barked.
"I'm so thirsty and hungry to find a Janis Joplin for this era."
"Well, hellfire save matches, f--- a duck and see what hatches."
"We're all here because we're not all there."
"You gotta pull those wild horses in."
"What's with the jujubes on your ooh-ooh-bes?"
"You can really sing your tush-ola off."
"Where is your pitchfork, you little devil?"
"Did you eat a lot of paint chips as a child?"
"Just the right amount showing, that's nice." (Said to gawky underage girl in a skirt)
"Nice shorts, I almost wore those myself, today."
[Photo: Steve Granitz/WireImage.com]