Are you helping a small child with homework? Assisting an elderly person crossing the street? Neither of those things are as important as looking at the artwork for Aerosmith frontman/American Idol softie Steven Tyler's new solo single "(It) Feels So Good."
Take a moment. Let the image wash over you. Close your eyes. Open them. Look again. It's still here.
The crucified serpent in the upper left corner is shedding a tear from a blue eye. There are scarves (oh, there are scarves). There's Tyler himself, wearing a blouse likely swiped from his daughter's closet. There are instruments, i.e. subliminal reminders that Steven Tyler makes music in addition to impersonating a dreamcatcher on national TV. There are gold lamé boots. There are jeans likely designed by Christian Audigier's evil twin Floyd. And then there's Tyler's name and the song title scrawled in what appears to be Aerosmith's official font. Joe Perry can't be happy about this.
Should you listen to the song that accompanies what may be the second-best album cover of the year (Lady Gaga's Born This Way still has Tyler by a wheel). No, don't do that. It's a crappy piece of radio-lite schlock sculpted by Marti Frederiksen and the Aerosmith singer in what sounds like a lazy afternoon by the Sunset Marquis pool: "I just sat down and thought about my first girlfriend and what it was like, because it's a very happy track. ... I wrote it down, I went over to Marti's, it was like, in three hours I had it the way you're going to hear right now."
It's worth listening to Tyler's full interview on Ryan Seacrest's radio show -- he calls medleys "corny" (not sure we're going to trust your Corny Meter, sir) and reveals he is writing music with another fan of pirate chic: Johnny Depp.
- Steven Tyler