Ugh, it begins. We've been threatened with it for months now, but the specter of a Kim Kardashian music career has finally cast its pall upon anyone with ears: The reality TV star's first official single, "Jam (Turn It Up)" is here. And it's about as terrible as you'd expect it to be, not Heidi Montag levels of terribleness, but that's because Kardashian had some A-list talent assisting her on her debut single: The-Dream, whose "Love King" was our favorite album of 2010.
So what went wrong? The main problem is that Kardashian can't sing. Jay-Z may have declared death to Auto-Tune, but we wish Zombie Auto-Tune invaded the recording studio to infect the song with some life. Kardashian's vocals have no presence, no idea how to corral the patented Dream hook. Instead, "Jam (Turn It Up)," with Kardashian's unripened vocals, ends up sounding like something on the Radio Disney playlist, and not on the level of what the real pop stars bust out.
A lot of music writers will take aim at The-Dream in part for writing this debacle, but we're not hating on him. "Love King" didn't sell nearly as many copies as it deserved to sell, and linking up with Kim is a good way to expand his fanbase to people who have no idea he co-wrote Rihanna's "Umbrella." In fact, we'd be angry if The-Dream actually gave Kim Kardashian a good song. More than likely, The-Dream knew that anything his pen committed to paper would become a hit in the hands of Kardashian, so rather than give her thin voice a shot at some of his top-shelf tunes, he gave her a track that's even unworthy of being a B-side on a single by Electrik Red (The-Dream's one-off girl group). Which is good, it means The-Dream is saving up all his good tracks for his next album. Hopefully, Kanye will get Kardashian to elevate her game a little. Turn it up:
[Photo: Kim Kardashian's official site]