Britney Spears will be promoting her March album via TV, Twitter, and the gays, but there is one giant platform she will not be utilizing. "Need to clear something up. This Grammy rumor is just that, a rumor. @BritneySpears was NEVER performing," the singer's manager Adam Leber tweeted last night. While it's perfectly possible that -- ha ha, surprise, bitches! -- Britney will perform at the Grammys on February 13th, we're pretty sure she won't. Here's why:
• It's a giant risk.
Last year 25.8 million people watched the Grammys. In 2007, 7.1 million people tuned in for MTV's Video Music Awards, when Spears attempted her first "comeback" with a wobbly performance that made us cry (not for the good reason). If Britney's VMAs flop seemed like a big deal, multiply that PR nightmare by a whopping factor of three. Spears did manage to complete a large tour behind "Circus," but she barely danced, didn't sing, and experienced at least one significant wardrobe malfunction. The Grammys are live and unforgiving.
• Lady Gaga is performing.
Fans may have a great time pitting Godney against Mama Monster, but the two have actually never had records drop at nearly the exact same time, and now that they're both doing heavy promotion for new discs, the press is in a tizzy. MTV is already trying to make a non-story into a story -- we just got a newsletter titled "Is Britney Copying Lady Gaga in Her New Video?" with a link to a headline that says, no, she isn't. But the Gaga standard is quite high, and chances are whatever Spears' team comes up with isn't going to measure up to the bloody, Elton John-y, high-concept spectacle Gaga is plotting for the big premiere of "Born This Way." Like Jerry Seinfeld wisely said, "I choose not to run!" Not competing is better than losing, especially when Gaga's already staked out the Grammys as her personal launch pad this year.
• Spears is not up for any awards.
If Brit can get her act together in the next 12 months, look for her to perform at 2012's ceremony, when she'll likely have a bunch of nominations for this as-yet-untitled March 15th album to celebrate. With a year to rehearse, we bet she'll be ready to slither and shock us like she used to.
- Britney Spears