Blog Posts by Billy Altman

"Recession? What recession?"

You'll have to forgive Madonna, Celine Dion, and Beyonce Knowles if that question shows up on their full, rich lips today, as the three superstar entertainers have given new meaning to the term "well-(high)heeled."

Forbes has just released its list of the top-earning musicians of the last 12 months (June '08-June '09), and according to the business mag's data, which estimates total income generated by recording sales, song publishing, concert tours, and endorsement deals, the top three slots in all of musicdom's money-making this past year go to the three aforementioned divas, with estimated hauls of $110 million (Madonna), $100 million (Dion), and $87 million (Knowles).

After the Material Mom, La Petite Quebecoise, and Sasha Fierce, the top 10 is a diversified albeit all-male affair. Ranking right behind the ladies at the number 4 spot is classic-rocker Bruce Springsteen ($70 million), followed by country crooners Kenny Chesney and Rascal Flatts ($65 and

When you say the name Mel Gibson, a lot of things come to mind. "Mad Max" Rockatansky. Lethal Weapon's Martin Riggs. People's "Sexiest Man Alive" in 1985. An Academy Award-winning Director for Braveheart in 1996. Forbes' "World's Most Powerful Celebrity" for 2004.

Of course, there are some other things that folks might also associate with Mel Gibson. Things like sexism, homophobia, and anti-semitism. Not to mention an almost unnatural love of the Three Stooges.  

Still, with everything that's come and gone over the course of Mel Gibson's career and life in the public eye, there did seem to be one area that was safe from Mel-dom, and that was music. At least until now.

Today, Mel Gibson's new (and pregnant) girlfriend, a Russian-born pianist and composer named Oksana Grigorieva--heretofore famous mainly for being a past paramour of James Bond star Timothy Dalton--releases a new single entitled "Say My Name," which features lyrics co-authored by none other than Mel Gibson.

Here are

Granted, the possibilities for jokes about Bret Michaels' run-in with a piece of scenery at Broadway's Tony Awards ceremonies on Sunday night have seemed endless. We've seen everything from Michaels getting a "crash course in live theater" and bringing "a whole new meaning to the term headbanger" to one blogger's riff connecting Bret going for a precautionary CAT scan to the story of baseball's Dizzy Dean, who was taken to the hospital after being hit in the noggin with a ball, resulting in the memorable headline, "X-Rays of Dean's head reveal nothing."

Seriously, though, while Michaels' mishap may have already drawn nearly as many viral views as Susan Boyle on Britain's Got Talent  (and for the three or four people in the entire world who may not have yet seen it, here it is:)

There are a few thoughts that entered this blogger's noggin over the entire incident. Like, maybe this wasn't an accident.

To begin with, there was the photo taken backstage before the show, with Michaels and

Sam Butera, the New Orleans-born-and-bred tenor saxophonist who died yesterday in his adopted home of Las Vegas at the age of 81, was one of those musicians whose name may not register with most people. But trust me, in some form or other, you've been touched by his music. And it almost don't matter how old or young you are, either.

Let's work backwards. Familiar with the Jonas Brothers' version of "I Wan'na Be Like You"?

Well, if you are, then you surely know that the song comes from the old Disney film The Jungle Book, where it was performed by the royal primate "King Louis"--aka Louis Prima, the legendary Vegas wild man, backed by his band the Witnesses, led by shotgun-riding sax man Sam Butera. (WATCH HERE.)

Familiar with Brian Setzer's '90s version of "Jump, Jive An' Wail"? That was a Louis Prima original, too--and whose wailing saxophone is all over that song? Sam Butera's.

How about David Lee Roth's '80s hit version of "Just A Gigolo?" Roth learned that one from the Prima

With so much attention being  paid recently to the factual background of Stefani Joanne Angelina Germanotta--aka Lady Gaga--and her, er, progression from Catholic schoolgirl to pole-stripper to pop sensation, I couldn't help but start wondering about the foundation of her image.

Now, while I certainly agree with some of the comments we've seen by the faithful Yahoo! audience noting that Ms. Gaga bears more than a passing resemblance to, say, Christina Aguilera or Gwen Stefani in a wig and sunglasses, I couldn't keep but thinking, "No, that's not quite it. That combination of look and attitude is so familiar. Where have I seen this before?" 

Then, as fate would have it, I was channel-surfing the other day when I happened upon the 1988 movie Earth Girls Are Easy, starring Geena Davis as an L.A. hairdresser who falls in love with outer-spaceman Jeff Goldblum. And then it hit me, and in living pink no less, in the scene where Goldblum's fellow aliens Jim Carrey and Daman Wayans wind up

I'd say, "Say It Ain't So," Ozzy--but who could understand him even if he did answer?

Today's New York Post reports that everyone's favorite mumbler Ozzy Osbourne has filed a lawsuit against his old Black Sabbath guitarist Tony Iommi for what he claims is Iommi's illegal filing of solo ownership of the Black Sabbath name with the US Patent and Trademark Office. The Oz man wants a 50 percent interest in the "Black Sabbath" trademark, along with a portion of Iommi's profits from use of the name.

No question this comes at a difficult time for the patriarch of the Osbourne clan, what with daughter Kelly recently emerging from yet another rehab stint (for what were described as "personal issues"), and the family's Osbournes Reloaded variety show being cancelled after a single episode. 

Then again, maybe it was wife Sharon's idea for the Osbournes to be the suer rather than the sueee for once. After all, she herself has just gotten hit with a lawsuit for "battery, negligence, and

America is in the midst of a NEW GOLD RUSH. Now more than ever gold is the most valuable and secure asset. Selling your gold teeth and crowns is an excellent way to bring in extra cash. There are two types of gold teeth: removable teeth (caps, grills) and gold dental crowns. Both are sellable and very valuable!

The above ad comes from a website called sellyourgoldteeth.com--and according to a story in today's Wall Street Journal, its operators Porcello Estate Buyers are doing quite the brisk business right now buying grillz from formerly high-flying rap stars knocked down hard by the recession.

Call it rap's version of global warming: grillz, chains, pendants and all sorts of "ice" sold off for meltdown value by boasters on a budget. And not only that--apparently, some rappers are asking their personal jewelers to not only use less expensive stones and lower-karated gold for their bling, but even substitute--ready for this?--cubic zirconia for diamonds. (I can just see it now: Jay-Z,

"If a pizza parlor or a super market can sponsor a team, why can't a rock band?"

Good question--and one that They Might Be Giants guitarist John Flansburgh asks on his band's website today announcing the news that he and partner John Linnell have decided to sponsor some Seattle WA Little Leaguers after finding out that a team of bat-toting tots has been named in their honor.

Seeing pics of the kids sporting T shirts emblazoned with the cover of their 2002 kids collection No! on the front and a band logo on the back has apparently so juiced Flansburgh and Linnell that the two are now offering to sponsor ten teams teams all across the country. (Info can be found on their website.)

Of course, doing something kind of hip and unusual is nothing out of the ordinary for the Brooklyn-based indie pop rockers, who back when they were starting out in the early '80s came up with the novel idea of promoting themselves with "Dial-A-Song," whereby callers to the band's answering machine would hear a