Blog Posts by Robert of the Radish

Every year, Billboard creates a "Year-End Hot 100 Singles" chart. However, Billboard does not use a normal calendar when they compile the list. Instead, they start from the first week of December and run through the final week in November. They do this so they can include the chart in their year-end issue. The chart is calculated by looking at data from Nielsen SoundScan. Namely, sales and airplay. So the more a song sells and the more it's played during the time frame set by Billboard, the higher it will rank.

For this playlist I've compiled all of the available songs that made Billboard's Year-End Hot 00 list. Luckily, the vast majority of them are available on Spotify, but a few of them are missing.

There was a lot of great music made during the 1980s, but it's my opinion that not much of it is represented here. This list is a relatively mellow one, jammed packed with love songs and shmaltz. But that's not to say there's not some great songs to be found here.

And if you were coming of age in 1986 as I was, this playlist's nostalgic value is immeasurable.

If I've learned anything by compiling playlists of the worst #1 hit songs of the last 50 years, it's that not all great music rises to the top. In fact, mostly sub-par music does. Sure, there are many hit songs I love, and many more that awaken nostalgic feelings, but I wouldn't mind if I never heard the vast majority of #1 hit songs again.

This will be the final entry in my Worst #1 Hits of the Decade series. I'm sure my selections will upset many, but don't bust an artery. This is only my opinion. We all have likes and dislikes when it comes to music, and it is my opinion that all 10 songs in this list are horrendous atrocities.

While Michael Bolton, Los Del Rio, and The Spice Girls are no-brainer additions to this list, I've also have selected superstar Madonna. You'll often hear people say, "Madonna's a brilliant business woman". Have you ever thought about why so many people say that about Madonna?

No?

Well, let me tell ya. It's because she's not a "brilliant musician". She's not even a "good singer". But she is a huge success. So it must be her business skills, since it obviously has nothing to do with her music. And for the love all that is holy, "Take A Bow" is the WORST Madonna song out of her complete emasculated collection. It's a cross between a bad Chinese bathhouse movie and the decomposing parts of AM radio.

There I said it.

I'm glad I got that off my chest.

To create this playlist, I looked at all of Billboard's Hot 100 #1 hits of the 1990s. Then from these #1's, I picked what I believe is the "worst" song from each year. If a song did not reach #1 it does not qualify for the list. And the list is not ordered by badness, but chronologically.

If you enjoyed the pain this list brought you, be sure to check out my Worst #1 Songs from the 1960s, the 1970s, the 1980s and the 2000s. There's plenty of schlock to keep you occupied for hours!

Everyone has an opinion on what the worst decade for music is. The majority of people tend to gravitate to songs that were popular when they came of age, but the fact is, every decade is full of great music, and not so great music. However, you would not get a sense of this when you look at the Billboard Hot 100 charts. A song that reaches #1 does so because it's popular, period. But Honey Boo Boo and McDonald's are also very popular.

Popularity is not necessarily a reflection of quality.

To create one of these playlists I look at all of Billboard's Hot 100 #1 hits for each year in a decade. Then from these #1's, I pick a song from each year that I consider to be the "worst". So it's a combination of fact and my opinion. If a song did not reach #1 it does not qualify for the list, that's the fact part. The other part is my personal opinion. Namely, which of these #1 songs are the worst of the bunch, your choices may vary.

I've already done the Worst #1 Songs from the 1960s, the 1970s and the 1980s, my target today is the 2000s.

If I had to pick the worst decade for popular music, I would have to say that the 00s takes the cake. This is a decade that has fewer #1 hits than any previous era. Songs can linger for weeks and weeks at the top of the charts, and a majority of the songs that get there are the least common denominator. Music peddlers have learned what sells, and there are only a few formulas that work on today's instant gratification generation. These formulas are used to pump out superficial hits that impact the bottom line.

Does this mean that the music of the 00s is horrible? Nope, not by a long shot. While I will admit that the modern Billboard charts have much to be desired, there is more great music available today than at any other time in history as technology has reduced (or removed) the barrier of entry for artists. You just have to look harder for it.

He stopped loving her today.

The music world lost a true legend today when George Jones passed away at 81. He had recently checked into the Vanderbilt University Medical Center in Nashville with irregular blood pressure and fever according to his publicist, Kirt Webster.

George had a reputation for hard living, and his smooth baritone voice softened the rough edges of his subject matter. His unique golden tone made for one of the most magnetic voices in country music. His talent, battles with alcohol, and troubled love life helped fuel a bucketful of country hit singles, two Grammy awards, and a spot in the Country Music Hall of Fame. George Jones was not a just a country singer, but an American icon. He will be sorely missed.

Thanks for the music George. How beautiful heaven must be.

This playlist includes 14 George Jones recordings that reached the number one spot on the Country music chart, and they are listed in chronological order starting with his first hit, "White Lightning", circa 1959.

Since my worst #1 hits of the decade playlists have been earning me so much fantastic hate mail, what else can I do but continue them? It always amazes me how personal some people take critiques of their favorite music, especially when it was music they grew up with. It's a really powerful thing, and what critic doesn't love such a visceral reaction?

To create one of these playlists I look at all of Billboard's Hot 100 #1 hits for each year in a decade. Then from these #1's, I pick a song from each year that I consider to be the "worst". So it's a combination of fact and opinion. If a song did not reach #1 it does not qualify for the list, that's the fact part. The other part is my personal opinion. Namely, which of these #1 songs are the worst of the bunch, your choices may vary.

I've already done the Worst #1 Songs from the 1970s and from the 1980s, so today my target is the 1960s.

Now, I have to be honest, the 1960s was the hardest decade I've done so far. There were certain years where I did not see any truly horrible #1 songs, so I just picked the song I enjoyed the least. I get the distinct impression that the farther back we go, the better the hit songs become. It seems that music is nothing like technology. It does not improve over time.

Anyway, there are still some really great examples of bad music in this list. "Honey" by Bobby Goldsboro is a personal favorite. It may just be the sappiest sad song of all time. How can you ever top a lyric like,

"She was always young at heart, kinda dumb and kinda smart and I loved her so,
and I surprised her with a puppy".

It simply can't be done.

While I was out last night, one of my friends says to me, "Hey, I saw one of your playlists on Live! With Kelly and Michael this morning." Well, this could certainly explain the 1,300+ comments I received on my list "The Worst #1 Hits of the 1980s" yesterday. Most of the people who commented were livid that I would pick Foreigner, Poison or Milli Vanilli as "the worst".

I found the transcript online, and indeed, Kelly and Michael had fun with it, which is the actual point of lists like this. Well, I make no apologies. The songs I listed are shining examples of super-schlock, and are the reason no one should take the charts seriously.

So while the masses are ready to lynch me for daring to have the opinion that "Mickey" by Toni Basil may not be the best representation of 80's music, I thought I would continue my assault on the mainstream by backing up a decade.

I will be the first to admit that the 70s were a decade when great songs still had a good chance of making it to #1 on the charts, but a lot of novelty, cheese and outright bad music still rose to the top. For this playlist I looked at all the #1 songs for each year of the 1970s, then I selected what I feel is the worst #1 song from each year. The playlist is not ordered by "badness", but rather chronologically, starting with 1970 and ending with 1979 for a total of 10 songs (you may need to scroll in the Spotify widget to see them all).

1976 was the most difficult to decide. How can one choose the "worst" in a competition between "Convoy" and "Disco Duck"? Yep, that was a tough one, but in the end I went with "Convoy" simply because "Disco Duck" was not available for streaming.

Don't agree with me? Let me know what your worst #1 song for each year of the 1970s would be. And remember the selections have nothing to do with the release date, but rather the date the song reached #1 on the Billboard Hot 100 chart.

Every decade has its fair share of great music and its fair share of awful music. For this playlist, I've chosen to focus on the awful. Namely, the worst #1 hits of the 1980s. Any song that reaches the #1 spot on the Billboard Hot 100 chart will be remembered forever, but like a 30-year old yearbook photo, the fashion of the era screams "What were you thinking!" This doesn't seem to change from generation to generation.

For this playlist, I've selected one song from each year of the 1980s. To qualify, the song had to reach the #1 spot on the Billboard Hot 100 chart and it has to be what I consider an "abomination." Some of these songs are novelty songs without any substance like "Mickey" or "Walk Like An Egyptian", some are complete cheesefests like Escape (The Pina Colada Song), "All Night Long (All Night)", There'll Be Sad Songs (To Make You Cry) or "I Want To Know What Love Is", some are manufactured trash like "Blame It On The Rain" by Milli Vanilli, and some represent the very worst of a subcategory like "Every Rose Has Its Thorn", which is without any doubt the worst power ballad ever created, and that's quite an accomplishment.

What would your 10 worst songs of the 80s be?

I live in the South, but I wasn't born here, so I'll never be a "Southerner". As is the case for many Yankees, my first introduction to the South was through the music of Lynyrd Skynyrd, who spread like wildfire across the nation when I was just knee-high to a grasshopper. They helped usher in a new sound that we call "Southern Rock". I got meet Artimus Pyle back when I was in college, and he was the first genuinely down-to-earth rock star I had ever met. I'll always have a fondness for Lynyrd Skynyrd because of how kind Artimus was to me, and for the countless hours I spent listening to Pronounced Leh-Nerd Skin-Nerd and Second Helping on my Sony Walkman when I was growing up.

Since I've lived in the South, the music of Lynyrd Skynyrd has been inescapable. This band's music is forever ingrained into Southern culture, like Spanish moss, Tennessee whiskey or fatback.

In my view, Lynyrd Skynyrd's story is something that needs a modern big screen treatment. Struggle, tragedy, death, re-emergence... it's all here, and if you haven't read any of the band's history I highly recommend it. Lynyrd Skynyrd has continued on with many different line-ups and so they make a great subject for a Family Tree playlist.

In this list I've pulled together songs by members of Lynyrd Skynyrd as well as other bands the various members have been a part of.