Framed
  • Lindsay Lohan, Framed

    We were at the bar the other night, as is our wont, when Ginny the Waitress said, "How come you've never had Lindsay Lohan in Framed?"

    "Substance abuse issues," we declared wittily. "Not hers. Ours."

    "But she'd be great for Framed," she continued. "She's gorgeous, controversial, and kind of talented. She'd be a lot better than all those inanimate objects you obsessively anthropomorphize."

    "You have a point, Ginny," we said. "Maybe we'll take your good advice."

    "You should. Your readers could use a little eye candy after Hagar and Megadeth."

    "And how about if she fights Glurpo, too? That would kick ass!"

    "Yeah, whatever. Glurpo. Jesus."

    Important blog note! The above true conversation led to this week's Framed, which does, indeed, feature the 23-year-old Ms. Lohan's only foray into the Top 100 so far, "Confessions Of A Broken Heart (Daughter To Father)." Supposedly, it's based on Lindsay's own childhood, and her father's alcoholic rages. It's a sad song and a sad video, but we've pepped

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  • Megadeth, Framed

    Ever since last week we've been completely fascinated with metal musicians in step with the times. Last week we featured Sammy Hagar, and this week we're very happy to bring you a brand new video by Megadeth called "The Right To Go Insane."

    Megadeth, a vanity musical project of guitarist Dave Mustaine, had their heyday in the mid-1980s with cleverly-titled albums like Peace Sells...But Who's Buying?, Rust In Peace, and Youthanasia. And Wikipedia notes that "Of the 'Big Four' thrash metal bands (Megadeth, Metallica, Anthrax, and Slayer), Megadeth is second only to Metallica in sales and commercial success." Not only do they still exist in this, the present day, but bass player David Ellefson recently rejoined 'deth, an event their fans seem to find significant.

    "The Right To Go Insane" is based on the true story of Shawn Nelson, a suicidal ex-serviceman who, in 1995, stole a tank from a San Diego military base and went nuts, crushing signs, fire hydrants, and an RV in a 23-minute

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  • Sammy Hagar, Framed

    Sammy Hagar is one of our longest-lived and best-loved rockers. From his early days in Montrose to his glory years in Van Halen, and all the solo years in between and after, he's stayed in the limelight--or somewhere near it--for almost 40 years now. This despite the fact that we can't think of a single career highlight to ballyhoo and are actually too disinterested to cut-and-paste something out of Wikipedia.

    Well, it's a good thing Framed is more of a caption resource than a history resource, huh? Hey, we just remembered that Sammy did do "Can't Drive 55," perhaps our rockin'est rejection of a legislated speed limit ever.  And he was at the nexus of the "David Lee vs. Sammy" controversy that nearly brought a great country to its knees. So let's not underestimate him.

    Readers will be delighted to know that, post-Halen, Sammy has simply kept on rockin', and we're happy this week to be featuring "Cosmic Universal Fashion," one of his solo songs from 2008. Is it any good? We have no idea

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  • Jars Of Clay, Framed

    Although Jesus himself make regular appearances in Framed, we haven't had a Christian band here for quite some time. We're excited to rectify that this week by welcoming Jars Of Clay and their single, "Two Hands," from their 2009 album, The Long Fall Back To Earth.

    The video finds Jars in sub-Saharan Africa, where the band is involved with the Blood: Water Mission, a non-profit organization that fights AIDS and other diseases by providing clean blood and clean water to that region. Readers interested in helping out this worthwhile cause can learn more at their website.

    As a special bonus to our readers, this week's captions are actually narrated by Jars of Clay lead singer Dan Haseltine, who founded the Blood: Water Mission. Dan was more than happy to contribute to our travelogue in the hope that Americans would get interested in the problems that plague the people of Africa. 

    Many thanks, Dan, and, please, take it away...

     

    1 -- "I remember this! This man was taking his camels to

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  • Chely Wright, Framed

    Like everyone, Framed was riveted when it was revealed last week that country music star Chely Wright was a lesbian. "By gosh," we thought, "this gives us the chance to make tawdry double entendres and, in general, lower the value of the Framed reading experience. Which, come to think of it, is hard to do."

    But then we thought again.

    "What if we simply ignored this lesbian-ness?" we thought. "Wouldn't our readers--intelligent and good-looking, the lot of 'em--applaud us for taking the high road? Might we not be nominated for some sort of 'blog award,' which we probably richly deserve, anyway? Wouldn't every single reader post their abject thanks, especially given today's divisive culture?"

    Yes, they would, we concluded. And that's why we're bringing you Chely Wright's big hit, "Single White Female," with no off-color remarks at all. We're simply that good. Thank you for reading.

     

    1 -- "Is that Y! Music editor Dave DiMartino in a tutu? Or is that just a frilly skirt?"

     

    2 -- "Truffles!

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  • Kid Rock, Framed

    Like you, we sometimes wonder: what's the greatest Kid Rock song ever?

    It's hard to say. On the one hand, you have the earlier hits like "Only God Knows Why" and "Cowboy;" on the other hand, you have more recent stuff like "So Hott" and "All Summer Long." All are testaments to the human spirit.

    We were thinking about this the other day, when we discovered that Kid Rock himself--you know, the real one!--regards "Amen," off the Rock N Roll Jesus album, as "the best song I've ever written." Excited, we watched the video, and realized that the video was also the best song he's ever written! Or something like that.

    It's important to share this info with our readers, we decided, so here we are. As is our habit, we're interpreting the video on behalf of Kid Rock via our captions, which are weird and dissonant this week. But enjoy the vid, enjoy the captions, celebrate life, and be back here again next week for even more caption zaniness!

    Important blog note! If you like reading comments you

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  • Asia, Framed

    Our greatest continent is Asia and there was once a brief time when our greatest band may have been Asia, too! It all happened in the early 1980s, when a supergroup emerged from the wreckage of earlier progressive rock acts, resulting in this week's arena rocking gods. Asia!

    Who were they? Well, John Wetton of King Crimson. The brilliant Steve Howe of Yes. The almost-as-brilliant Geoff Downes of Yes. Drummer Carl Palmer of ELP. The band would go on to add and subtract an astonishing array of musicians from the likes of Krokus, Toto, Simply Red and other heavyweights we'd mention were you not already transfixed. Their first LP, Asia, was #1 for nine weeks in a row and sold over 10 million copies.

    This week's video is "Don't Cry," off their second album, Alpha. (Pretty much all of their albums started with the letter "A" because that was a cool idea.) The song hit #10 on the charts and the album went platinum, but Asia's decline had already begun. Subsequent records were greeted with

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  • Madonna, Framed

    Hello, readers, and welcome to Framed, the only music blog that mentions Franz Kafka this week.

    Kafka was born in Prague in 1883, 103 years before this week's video--"Papa Don't Preach" by Madonna--was made. During his short life he wrote three novels and numerous short stories. And, despite an almost total lack of recognition during his lifetime, Kafka is now regarded as a wildly original talent and one of the most influential writers who ever lived.

    Madonna was born in Michigan in 1958 and became the best-selling female recording artist of the 20th century. She's sold more than 200 million records in her lifetime. Her influence during her lifetime has gone well beyond music; she's a one-woman cultural touchstone who's weighed in on sexuality, dance, video, and even clothing. 

    Kafka's art is laden with ambiguity, absurdity, and existentialism.

    Madonna's art is chock full of rhythm, libido, and that mole she has.

    What's our point?

    They're both equally good

    Let's do captions!

     

    1

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  • Huey Lewis & The News, Framed

    Hello, readers, and welcome to Framed, the internet's only worthwhile site! This week we're looking at the video for the great 1984 song "If This Is It," by Huey Lewis & The News. You'll be glad you came by!

    Regular readers may have noted our fascination with the videos of the 1980s, and this gives us a chance to explain. The music of the '80s was best-defined by the music videos of the '80s. It was during those years that video was elevated to an art form; many times, in fact, the video was more important to commercial success than the song itself. And, for better or worse, the videos generally told a story.

    Yes, it was an era of glorious Reaganesque possibilities! And one band that explored those possibilities was Huey Lewis & The News, a sort-of bar band out San Francisco whose congenial whitebreadedness was just the thing for '80s sensibilities. Huey, who also has a real name, fronted the dutiful News into multi-platinum success: the band has sold something like 30 million records

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  • Billy Currington, Framed

    We don't often talk about business here--Framed is a humor/music video analysis blog, after all!--but we have to tell you readers about recent goings-on.

    Last Tuesday, while lunching at chef Hiroyuki Urasawa's Beverly Hills eatery--our meal being comprised of organic ingredients from the world's coldest pristine waters--we were unexpectedly joined by Sumner Redstone, of the Redstone family. They are, of course, majority owners in CBS, Viacom, MTV, BET, Paramount, and DreamWorks.

    "Sumner," we said, standing, just to be polite. Sumner is 86 years old, after all.

    "Framed," he nodded. "It's been too long. Please, please, sit." We did.

    "Framed," he began, in the sonorous tones we know so well. "How much is Bartz paying you?" He referred to Carol Bartz, CEO of Yahoo!, our employer.

    "Fifty eight cents a caption, Sumner, although you surely knew that," we replied. "Pretty much seven bucks a week." (It's actually a little more, but we didn't want to completely show our hand.)

    "I can pay you

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Pagination

(268 Stories)

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