After a senselessly long absence from our blog, Justin Bieber returns this week with his very workmanlike new tune, "Boyfriend." We'd tell you what it's about, but — and this is something we very much regret — we have to paint something, right now, at this very moment.
Darn the luck!
We can tell you that the tune has hit #2 in the U.S. and that it's pretty much a reprise of all of Justin's other hits. Which — let's face it — makes it a valuable addition to modern culture. In the video, we see Justin unleashing his sex drive, which appears to be all-consuming, as he whispers into girls' ears! Right there, on camera!
That's some Clark Gable stuff, no doubt about it.
We certainly hope you enjoy the video and also our captions to the still pictures. Our captions are supposed to be funny... at least, we think they are; we signed a contract a long time ago and can't find it right now... but, in any case, be back here again next week, when nothing will make any sense one more time!
1 — "Note to self: don't party with O'Conner, Geller, Robert of the Radish or any combination thereof."
2 — "This app that actually neuters blog readers was a great idea!"
3 -- "It'll be weird when I'm old enough to really do this!"
4 — "Did I mention I'm trending on Twitter? I do that, you know."
5 — "Omigosh! Did I just run over One Direction? And did any of them escape, er, survive this very tragic accident?"
6 — These "write your own caption" moments are becoming very special!
7 — "You mean you're pregnant? By a man? How does that work, anyway?"
8 — With gusto, the crowd sang "War, war is stupid." Justin wooed on!
9 — "Look, baby, I can take you away from all this. I'm John Jacob — er, Justin Bieber!"
10 -- "Shake that Diet Coke, boys! Now, who's got the Mentos?"
11 — "No; don't say a word, Justin. I know your real name is John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt. It's my name, too."
12 — "And don't forget: I'm also trending on Twitter, yo!"