Hi-ho, readers, and welcome to Framed, the only blog that tells you the truth and makes stuff up! At literally the same time!
We are an embarrassment of riches, or--at the very least--an embarrassment.
Every now and again, we like to introduce ourselves to new readers, so, if you're a regular, go get a drink or something. We'll do this in a friendly Q-and-A format to make it as painless as possible.
Q: What is Framed?
A: Framed is a weekly blog that appears in Y! Music. Every week we feature a different music video. We "freeze" a dozen pictures from the video and post them.
Q: But is there a twist?
A: Yes. Yes, there is. We write our own captions to the still pictures.
Q: And are these captions funny?
A: Oh, they're plenty funny. Comedic gold, one might say.
Q: But, at the same time, will they make me think?
A: Indeed they will. We stuff an unprecedented amount of social commentary into our captions. And that's not just us saying it, that's The Journal of Unprecedented Amounts of Social Commentary, 67, 234-236 (2009.)
Q: And if I read quotations, where you actually use quotation marks, is it fair to assume that I'm reading a direct, actual and real quote from the human being pictured?
A: Yes.
OK, let's get to this week's video. We're still grooving on summertime, so we're going with "The Greatest" by Kenny Rogers. Here's a video that tells the story of a young boy dreaming of baseball stardom. Standing at home plate, he throws the ball up again and again in the hope of smashing it over the fence. And, again and again, he fans. You may have seen the same plot recently in an ongoing TV ad for a "website." In any case, it's all very Norman Rockwell and we won't give away the amazing and unexpected ending.
Everyone knows Kenny Rogers, of course, most famous for his 1978 song "The Gambler," which was eventually turned into some sort of low-level movie. Kenny, now 72 years old and still using the diminutive, is one of our most influential country artists, and has won too many awards to list here. Suffice it to say that he's a legendary genius whose only misstep, like that of so many, was appearing on the original "We Are The World."
Please enjoy the video and our captions, which are, as always, given to you for free because this is the internet.
1 -- "I wonder if those idiots ever figured out that, in fact, it was me who started that old crazy Asian war."
2 -- "I don't get it. The umpire called this a 'past ball,' yet it appears to very much be a present-day ball."
3 -- Few realize that Kenny once seized Odin's throne and rendered Mjolnir inert!
4 -- "Hammerin' Hank" swung for the fences often, suspecting that players of the future would cheat, hit homers and grow massive heads and stuff.
5 -- "Perhaps I'll rest all of my self worth on how far I can hit this ball. That makes sense."
6 -- Science still believes that human/beaver offspring are sort of rare.
7 -- Kenny faced a moral dilemma when his x-ray vision revealed the bat was corked!
8 -- "Wait a minute. Did I take a massive dose of steroids just prior to this at-bat? Or was that the previous one?"
9 -- "Stop the blog! Jim The Bird is still hovering around in a clear attempt to usurp Wall Girl's preeminence!"
10 -- "I was the Babe Ruth of garden equipment. I was the best."
11 -- "Hooray for Casper, Wendy and Nightmare!"
12 -- "When to hold 'em and when to fold 'em? How the hell would I know, kid? Nobody cares about that stuff."