We were at the bar the other night, as is our wont, when Ginny the Waitress said, "How come you've never had Lindsay Lohan in Framed?"
"Substance abuse issues," we declared wittily. "Not hers. Ours."
"But she'd be great for Framed," she continued. "She's gorgeous, controversial, and kind of talented. She'd be a lot better than all those inanimate objects you obsessively anthropomorphize."
"You have a point, Ginny," we said. "Maybe we'll take your good advice."
"You should. Your readers could use a little eye candy after Hagar and Megadeth."
"And how about if she fights Glurpo, too? That would kick ass!"
"Yeah, whatever. Glurpo. Jesus."
Important blog note! The above true conversation led to this week's Framed, which does, indeed, feature the 23-year-old Ms. Lohan's only foray into the Top 100 so far, "Confessions Of A Broken Heart (Daughter To Father)." Supposedly, it's based on Lindsay's own childhood, and her father's alcoholic rages. It's a sad song and a sad video, but we've pepped it up with some funny captions. Lindsay will be tweeting her thanks momentarily.
Be back here again next week, when we feature yet another important celebrity!
More important blog note! We know that many of our readers are perfectly capable of writing Framed-quality captions. Last week, for example, D33PPURPLE wrote a caption for a frame that was every bit as good as ours. And long-time reader DUDE correctly noted that we essentially stole something he wrote on DiMartino's blog for one of our own captions.
Our caption: "So this proves that stopping a Toyota isn't, like, impossible."
D33PPURPLE's caption: Should've got a Carfax report.
Our caption: "My God! Wynonna ate all of the crackers...and then, incredibly, the barrel!"
DUDE's post: Hey Dimartino!....Wynonna looks like she swallowed a cracker barrel....
With that in mind, we're formally inviting everyone to join in the fun. Why settle for a Framed caption that's less than riotous? What are you, chopped liver? Step up and bring your A-game to this thing, endearing yourself to our literally several readers.
The very best will be feted in a future "Important blog note," a high honor, indeed! And, if this all works out, we can look forward to a world in which you do all of work for us! That would be the best!
See you at the bar!
1 -- "Oh, I give up. My screenplay about a coke-addicted lesbian in the fast lane seems improbable."
2 -- "Imply the pre-existence of a question designed to elicit the proper 'funny response?' No one would do that! And, yes, my alcohol monitoring bracelet is itchy."
3 -- "But how did my rubber tree plant get here?"
4 -- "Perhaps if I pray hard enough, God will kill all the rival Lindsays, especially those who--despicably--spell the name incorrectly."
5 -- "I tell ya, it was a gun. But it could talk!"
6 -- It got surprisingly little press, when Glurpo tried to drag Lindsay to her doom.
7 -- "I told you we'd find the damn contact lens!"
8 -- "Now shall Glurpo feel the might of Wall Girl!"
9-- "Schnozz. Schnozolla. Honker. Beak. Snout. What's your point already, Jim Beam?"
10 -- "Come on, wall! Give me some damn powers already!" she cried, as seen in Wall Girl #36, "The Secret Origin of Wall Girl!"
11 -- "Listen, Lindsay of the Past! It's critical to remember this! Don't accept any roles after Herbie: Fully Loaded!"
12 -- "Banished to the Phantom Zone for my crimes against music? But...!"