According to news reports, "Hip hop mogul 50 Cent, Universal Music Group and several of its record labels were sued on Wednesday for promoting a 'gangsta lifestyle' by a 14-year old boy who says friends of the rapper assaulted him." The lawsuit claims these folks "bear responsibility for the assault because they encourage artists to pursue violent, criminal lifestyles."

Yes, I can see the logic here. It's not good logic, but where there's money to be made, it isn't the quality of the logic that matters, but getting paid. It made me think about different musicians who could be sued for "encouraging" certain behaviors that when applied to the average dolt lead not to stardom but to bitter disappointment. Henceforth, my BIG PAYDAY.

Here are five frivolous lawsuits I would enjoy being part of if they were to go "Class Action":

Amy Winehouse for encouraging a "Wasted Lifestyle": I've gotten drunk. I've taken pretty powerful prescription meds. I've not combed my hair for days. I've worn

Baseball season has started! As I've said before, music and sports make odd bedfellows. Jocks that make music usually end up sounding like the Red Hot Chili Peppers. But baseball is slightly different. It's not like other sports. In baseball, there's a lot of standing around. You can drink beer and play baseball--as in you can drink beer while playing it. You can't do that in basketball, hockey, football, canned vegetable wrestling...so it's no surprise that rockers have occasionally tipped their caps to the game. Huey Lewis covered it all with Sports and then majored in golf with Fore.  But golf is an old man's sport: a chauffeur driven game that true rockers must avoid if they wish to remain vital. You hear that Alice Cooper?

Babe Ruth: With album titles like First Base and Stealin' Home, this '70s prog-rock group from Hertfordshire, England must've confused audiences everywhere. No "Stonehenge"? No demons and wizards? Just bad baseball puns? Constant line-up shuffles--we call 'em

It turns out more people write songs about fools than they do the state of Delaware. Amazing what you can learn "on the job." There are so many great songs about fools that I've managed to create several different lists that bring much deserved attention to these fine tunes. What a great feeling to know that I am helping the Y! Music community (and fulfilling all contractual obligations and court-ordered mandates) by espousing true wisdom for true readers. You people are the best!

Now let us take pity on the stupid.

"I Pity The Fool"--Bobby "Blue" Bland: No, this isn't a Mr. T cover. Long before the 'A' Team came along and established its cultural preeminence, Bobby "Blue" Bland had a hit with a song that was quite successful on its own terms. Not quite the "Where's the Beef?" or the "Who Let the Dogs Out?" of its generation, it was still a swell tune and if you don't know this man's work, you should make it your After April Fool's Day Resolution to become better acquainted.

"Day In

Yes, I thought of pulling a prank, an April Fool's Day joke. The Five Most Shocking Musician Deaths and then listing five people very much alive. But that seemed like bad karma. Like what if one of them died? I mean, sure, eventually everyone dies, but I wouldn't want to be seen as speeding up the process. And most of the time people think I'm making stuff up anyway, so what's really the difference? As indie-rocker Carl Jung used to say before he sold out, it doesn't matter what's real as long as it's believed. Or something like that. In any case, now at least you know how politics works.

For April Fool's Day, I've found five songs addressing the day, the fool, the Aprilness of it all. Are these songs any good? That's for you to decide. I'm not a tastemaker. I'm just a guy on a work-release program providing lists. That my editor publishes one day late!

"April Fool's Day Morn"--Loudon Wainwright III: I swear I never meant to mention this guy so often. You'd think I was obsessed. But