List Of The Day
  • In honor of Bruce Springsteen re-recording Tommy Tutone's "867-5309" as his own "Radio Nowhere" and to celebrate the release of his new album, the Pilot- and America-inspired (and hey, sounds like Nick Drake!), Magic, we here at List Of The Day offer five Bruce Springsteen soundalikes who we like just as much as the old Boss himself.

    Meat Loaf: While Bruce was in court arguing with his old manager over the right to date and record with his new manager Mr. Jon Landau, Marvin Lee Aday, a man people accused of looking like a Meat Loaf, hired Bruce's drummer and pianist to record with him and Todd Rundgren and Yankee shortstop Phil Rizzuto an album that would take Born To Run and make it even more verbose, more over the top, more cinematic, more teen-drama, more longer and more better! My mom liked it.

    John Cougar: With or without the Mellencamp, you have to admit John Cougar sure did a lot of the same moves as ol' Brucie. Bruce had Born In The U.S.A. so Coug had "R.O.C.K. In The U.S.A."

    Read More »from Five Bruce Springsteen Soundalikes
  • Pat Monahan, the singer from Train, just released a solo album, Last Of Seven--and while no one is making the claim that he can single-handedly save the music industry like Rick Rubin, the fact that no one is saying Monahan can't single-handedly save it speaks volumes as well. A big record company put money behind this idea. And they've done so in the past with middling results. Used CD and record bins are jammed with "sure things" that never panned out.

    And then I also took note that none other than Edward Vedder, he of the Pearl Jam clan, has also taken to a solo album and his---get this--is the soundtrack for a movie written and directed by Sean Penn, who was once married to Madonna. This means something! And it isn't just a lack of royalties going into pockets of his band members either.

    Here are five solo albums from guys (and gals) who should've just stuck with their bands.

    Billy Squier--The Tale Of The Tape: Piper recorded two albums in the late '70s that suggested if the group

    Read More »from Five Solo Albums That Didn’t Change The World
  • Five Sensitive Guys

    In honor of this Iron and Wine dude with a beard that clearly belonged in the Best Beards category and his new album that just came out, I decided to create a category that he could win. Music is filled with sensitive souls who get highly upset if they brush their teeth too hard and their gums bleed. The singer in Joy Division killed himself because his LP copy of Iggy Pop's Metallic K.O. skipped and Nick Drake thought he didn't get the Volkswagen endorsement, so he took too much of his anti-depressant medication. (Did I mention I'm really into revisionist history? Not to mention outright fabrication!)

    Anyhow, I decided to focus on people still with us. Guys who write songs written deliberately to make you cry. You have to be careful with this stuff, guys. With the right woman, you can make yourself look real sensitive. But if you're dating a woman who likes rollerhockey or NASCAR, don't under any circumstances break out music by any of these dudes. Your body will be found in a

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  • Five Songs For Teachers

    Teachers can really make your life hell. The good ones inspire and encourage and everyone walks away happy, but the bad ones ruin you for life. I still resent the ones who graded me unfairly and stuck me with detention for something someone else did. Honest.

    Not surprisingly there are many songs about teachers that discuss the different aspects of teacherhood. Naturally, musicians often focus on getting with their teachers. But then musicians would sing about getting with their dog. They don't have standards. That's why they're musicians.

    Van Halen--"Hot For Teacher": David Lee Roth looks for any opportunity to scream. Guitar solo? WHAAA! Drum solo?  Whoo-oo! Bass solo? Look out--aaahhhh! Time to sing? EEEE-IIIII. You'd think this guy was felling trees in the woods with all the hoopla. So you can imagine what happens when he gets, uh, excited.

    The Police--"Don't Stand So Close To Me": I read somewhere that Sting was once an English teacher. Great. We did schoolkids throughout England a

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  • Pavarotti made a name for himself as a singer because he could sing. Sounds obvious and redundant. But there have been plenty of singers who throughout the past five decades while this scourge called "rock 'n' roll" has taken hold who clearly cannot sing and seem to flaunt it at every turn. Of course, it would be preferable if well-credentialed authorities, to ensure the safety of the listening public, carefully screened all potential singers.

    But we have been negligent so long that an entire industry has had to resort to computerized auto-tuning programs to ensure mere competence. If only people were forbidden from making music until they were really ready. Let's support a Constitutional Amendment banning "illegitimate singers" today.

    Each of the following singers has made a stunning amount of albums, has an ungodly amount of fans, and has at some point in their lifetime filed a tax return claiming "musician" or "singer" as their occupation. None of them will be confused with

    Read More »from Five Guys Who Will Never Be Confused For Pavarotti
  • Five Opera Rockers

    Opera singer Luciano Pavarotti died earlier this month. While most pop music fans probably didn't follow his career very closely, his --and opera's--influence on pop music is unmistakable. For every great singer like Neil Young who once sang, "you were born to rock, you'll never be an opera star," there was someone, usually in the heavy metal field, who secretly dreamed of all that vocal power and bringing it to the people.

    For those of you with no interest in opera, but who still wish to annoy your neighbors with lots of over-emotive bellowing, we offer the following:

    Freddie Mercury of Queen: Freddie Mercury killed Kurt Cobain. Not on purpose. But, according to KC, Freddie's dedication to uplifting crowds with his sports arena anthems made KC's own career feel like a fraud. The smart thing to do would have been to join a Queen cover band and experience the thrill first-hand. But then there wasn't a grunge rocker alive who could hit those notes that made Freddie the Queen.

    Rob Halford

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  • There are many FCC regulations I don't understand. Radio DJs must identify the radio station at the top of the hour, that makes sense. DJs must either talk like they're angry hyperactive kids being denied their school lunch or mentally challenged stoners wigged out on Quaaludes, that's inevitable. But why there are rules governing what stations must play when the weather changes really baffles me. Every station depending on their format has their own mandatory list. Some overlap. These five are hardly the only ones on the mandatory list. Most stations rebel and only stick with one or two of them. But upon the first drizzle, they wheel them out, showing you that DJs don't sit in a climate controlled ivory tower away from the rest of the world--but if they do, THEY HAVE WINDOWS.

    I could live my whole life without ever hearing these songs again. But then again, I also think the whole concept of rain is really dumb. Shouldn't there be an easier way to get water than to have it dumped on

    Read More »from The Five Songs Radio DJs Must Play When It Rains
  • Five Mother Songs

    OK, if we're going to let Amy Winehouse complain about her father-in-law, in fairness, we have to find songs to complain about mother. Now, as I've pointed out in this column before, when Fred Flintstone decided to become a songwriter he researched his market and discovered that people liked love songs and songs about mother. So that's what he did. These people took a different tact.

    Tex And The Horseheads--"Oh Mother": I get so many requests from readers asking for more Tex And The Horseheads that I feel as if it's my duty to mention them here. They were a struggling cowpunk band back 25 years ago and to think they're still going at it makes you wonder how many times a man can hit his thumb with a hammer and ignore the pain and bleeding. But that's what true rockers do! They don't sit around and whine about how bad they had it. They make their present day a living hell of long nights and endless tours! What--and quit showbiz?

    Three Dog Night--"Mama Told Me Not To Come": Randy Newman

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  • Five Father Songs

    With Amy Winehouse's father-in-law calling for a boycott of her music, you can imagine the great new material Ms. Winehouse could work up for her next album. Oh, the anger and the indignity! Songs about innuendo and the press, drugs and sobriety, weight issues and family relations, the list is long and mighty. If Amy decides to apply herself, there can't be a sophomore slump. If anything, she's been given the gift of controversy. Anything she sings will be analyzed, scrutinized, 24-hour Martinized! (A really excellent dry-cleaning process I must say).

    But when it comes to parents, not everyone is a natural born Sylvia Plath. So, should Amy decide to take on her stepdad, she can always sidestep things ever so slightly with a cover!

    Here are the five I would consider if I were Amy Winehouse. Though, last check in the mirror, I was sadly still me.

    Fleetwood Mac--"Oh Daddy": This is the kill them with kindness technique. No one would see this coming. "Why are you right when I'm so wrong?" 

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  • Though we like the September weather, we're not too jazzed about the foreboding vibe that accompanies the coming of Fall. We all know the agents of oppression are upon on. Shorter days, colder nights and school back in session. Homework, detention. Even those of us who haven't been near a school under court order remember and often dream about being back in school. It's usually the day of the test. I haven't studied. I haven't read the textbook. I didn't bring a number two pencil. In fact, I didn't wear any pants. Talk about unprepared. On the bright side, I seem to look exactly as I did in high school and so does everyone else. The ruins of encroaching old age have been eliminated. But it's going to be really tough walking the hall without my pants. Someone might notice.

    But here are five songs key to school survival. They speak the truth.

    Supertramp--"School": They rhyme "school" with "golden rule." Can't argue with that. In their day--the progressive rock of the 1970s--Supertramp

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News for You

  • NYers furious over photos taken through windows

    NEW YORK (AP) — In one photo, a woman is on all fours, presumably picking something up, her posterior pressed against a glass window. Another photo shows a couple in bathrobes, their feet touching beneath a table. And there is one of a man, in jeans and a T-shirt, lying on his side as he takes a nap.

  • Denmark favorite to win Eurovision Song Contest

    MALMO, Sweden (AP) — An ethno-inspired flute and drum tune from Denmark is the bookmakers' favorite to win this year's Eurovision Song Contest on Saturday, which also features a bizarre opera pop number from Romania and an Armenian rock song written by the guitarist of Black Sabbath.

  • Denmark's de Forest wins Eurovision song contest

    MALMO, Sweden (AP) — Denmark's Emmelie de Forest has won this year's Eurovision Song Contest with her ethno-inspired flute and drum tune "Only Teardrops," despite tough competition from spectacular stage shows by performers from Azerbaijan and Ukraine.

  • Native American actress proud to walk Cannes red carpet

    By Belinda Goldsmith CANNES (Reuters) - Native American actress Misty Upham never dreamt she would be walking the red carpet at Cannes to showcase a film shot on her reservation. Upham features in "Jimmy P. Psychotherapy of a Plains Indian", focused on the relationship between World War Two veteran Jimmy Picard, a Native American Blackfoot, and Georges Devereux, his psychoanalyst. Upham said like Picard, played by Puerto Rican actor Benicio Del Toro, she is Blackfeet, the largest tribe in Montana state. ...

  • NYC artist's secret photos raise privacy issues

    NEW YORK (AP) — In one photo, a woman is on all fours, presumably picking something up, her posterior pressed against a glass window. Another photo shows a couple in bathrobes, their feet touching beneath a table. And there is one of a man, in jeans and a T-shirt, lying on his side as he takes a nap.

  • 'American Idol' finale draws record low ratings

    NEW YORK (AP) — Ratings for the "American Idol" finale plunged to a record low for the 12-year-old show.

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