People LOVE anniversaries. Paper, Aluminum, Silver, Gold, Platinum, nothing joys the human heart like celebrating the years that have passed and admitting that we are all getting horribly, horribly old. As soon as I heard Guns N' Roses' Appetite For Destruction was turning 20, I thought to myself, "I'll bet a lot of albums are turning 20 this year."

Then the Gods decided to play a mean trick and sent me a copy of the new expanded edition of Prefab Sprout's ultra-groovy Steve McQueen album to commemorate the album's 22nd anniversary! Is no math sacred? Music is all about timing. Shouldn't marketing follow? 22? Huh?

In any event, aside from realizing that Henry Rollins formed the aptly-titled Rollins Band in 1987, I began compiling a voluminous list of albums that should have received the same fanfare for reaching their 20th birthdays with their legacy intact. I know there are those of you who will argue strenuously for the inclusion of the Pixies' Come On Pilgrim or U2's The Joshua

The coolest thing about punk rock used to be how it complained about EVERYTHING: Reaganomics, Censorship, Racism, Sexism, Corporate Oppression, Religion, School, Homework, Rich People, Poor People, Middle-Class People, People Who Weren't Punk Enough, People Who Thought They Were Punk But Weren't, Punks, Metalheads, Jocks....

But then punk rock started singing more about emotions and love and how you broke my heart and that's not fair and "I'm a loser" and it became like every other stupid genre just with lousier music.  But the world's a mess these days! And we need to have our voices heard! And there's no better way to do it than to inspire the masses through the magic of song!

If you can't afford to buy a Clash album to hear how it's done, just write down what you can about these edgy, enduring topics!

War: Always a good one. Be sure to be anti-war. Slam-dancing violence and breaking someone's nose at a show is all in good fun, but the real stuff is always bad. Remember the enemy

My own promotional ideas are limited. A little common sense goes a long way. I wouldn't promote a "Free Knife" Night at a sporting event, or a "Free Beer" Night at anything. Not even a wedding. Gotta keep costs down. (Also applying common sense, ladies drink free every night. Is there any other way to get them to be nice to me?)

So when I heard Prince was promoting his new album by giving it away free to subscribers to a newspaper in England, I thought, "Man, this is an idea with legs." No one buys music anymore anyhow! No one likes music either! Not whole albums or whole songs. Just hit shuffle on your iPod and catch 30 seconds and it's like listening to mouthwash commercials all day long!

But you still have to get rid of these CDs with all their stupid artwork and credits. So, crazy me, I'm giving away the tricks of the trade to boost sales for the entire industry. While Prince will be our inaugural "Trendsetter," it shouldn't be long before all labels begin foisting their junk on a

Metallica's James Hetfield gets stopped at the airport for sporting a "Taliban" styled beard and immediately you think, well, the last bunch of Metallica albums haven't been very good, but that hardly seems reason to accuse him of joining Al Qaeda.  Besides, he isn't even one of the beard-wearing pros.

Beards, however, do signify deep meaningful changes within the person wearing one. Besides hiding the double chin, they express a philosophy of life that is very different from our shaven friends.

Jim Morrison: Without it, he looked like a Greek God and woman went nuts. Who would want to live under such scrutiny? Who wouldn't wake up one day and say, "Nuts, I'm growing a beard and I'm going to get FAT!"? We all need goals in our life. Achieving them makes us strong. Unless we die young, like Jim. Then reverse that axiom about "What doesn't kill us makes us stronger" and change it to "What kills us, well, kills us." Bummer, dude.

ZZ Top: They could've learned a fourth chord. But rather