I love it when people give me suggestions for music. Who cares if it's stuff I'll never listen to? It's fun just to read about it. So much music can't possibly live up to the hype. The music that is good makes you wish there was more of it.
These days everyone uses technology to make themselves happier. Never am I more satisfied than when I'm trying to figure out why my computer isn't working. What better waste of three days than the chance to learn more about your capacity for anger and frustration?
What I really love is when the computer takes your information and makes decisions for you based on that information. Listed below are twenty-five suggestions of music you would like if you are a fan of the first artist listed.
This should be easy!
25) Ice Cube--Ice-T: This makes complete sense. If you like one act with "Ice" in the title, you'll like another. I assume if you press your luck, it will also tell you, you will like Vanilla Ice. Sounds good from here.
24) Marillion--Phil Collins: A bit of a stretch, but Phil Collins was in Genesis and they were once a prog-rock band. Not sure if Marillion are doing an album of Motown covers, but it would probably sound pretty awesome. Phil's new album of Motown covers will leave you in awe, I guarantee.
23) Joy Division--Interpol: I remember reading somewhere that critics were lazy for comparing Interpol to Joy Division. I beg to differ. Interpol are the ones being lazy for sounding like Joy Division.
21) Judee Sill--Joanna Newsom: Nothing impresses me more than when an obscure artist from another century enjoys a resurgence for no apparent reason and then people compare other artists to them for decades. Joanna Newsom plays a harp.
19) Public Enemy--Warren Zevon: Not sure how we arrived here, but I guess both are fantastic oldies acts at this point, though one is dead. I think Public Enemy were angrier. Just heard a track by PE on the Ken Burns baseball documentary, The 10th Inning. Don't think I heard Warren Zevon. What? No "Bill Lee"?
18) Neil Diamond--Jens Lekman: Neil Diamond fans are likely to shop at IKEA and I think Lekman works there or something. Or maybe he sings in the café area as part of a Friday Night Swedish Meatball Songwriter Series.
17) Santana--Sing Along With Mitch: Carlos Santana is currently playing guitar over classic rock hits. My parents used to own albums that came with lyrics sheets that encouraged you to sing along with Mitch Miller. It's kinda stupid for Mitch to hate rock n' roll. He could've made a mint selling Karaoke compilations.
16) Green Day--Jesus Christ Superstar: Rock operas, theatre, concept albums that challenge your attention span: Why do people have to make this music so hard to like?
15) Katy Perry--Liz Phair: Listen, they've been trying to figure out a way to sell us Liz Phair albums since I was graduating college. Maybe Katy Perry fans would be interested in helping out a struggling soccer mom with her newfound rap career.
13) Jack Johnson--Michael Franti And Spearhead: Not everyone can sneak into Hawaii. So we have to settle for this bonfire music that celebrates sunshine and living a happy life. I don't like it because it makes me feel bad for feeling bad.
12) Low--Robert Plant: Robert Plant covers two songs by Low on his latest album, Band of Joy, so it makes sense that Plant fans would run out and buy every Low album they can find and then return them. Low fans, on the other hand, will download Pictures At Eleven and get totally psyched.
9) Led Zeppelin--The Mars Volta: I had a friend who loved Led Zeppelin. He was told if he did, he would love The Mars Volta. Things didn't exactly work out according to plan. He still likes Led Zeppelin. Not sure how this works the other way around.
7) Grand Funk Railroad--Black Mountain: Grand Funk Railroad once had millions of fans and seventeen of them went out and formed bands. Do Black Mountain really sound much like GFR? Well, they sound more like them than a lot of other bands. OK?
6) Pearl Jam--Frijid Pink: Usually when you type in "Pearl Jam," it spits back "Iron Butterfly," but this time it was Detroit band Frijid Pink, who did a version of "House of the Rising Sun" that sounded like they wanted to tear the thing down. The Pink album was so very pink.
4) Funkadelic--Jackson Browne: I think there might be a glitch in the system with this one. Either that or maybe Browne's funkier than I realize or Funkadelic are more folk-based. Or maybe I just need to kick this thing.
3) Black Sabbath--Swans: This one makes more sense. Black Sabbath were heavy and relatively anti-social and Swans have been heavy and completely anti-social. A reality show with Michael Gira would be entirely more satisfyingly weird than watching Ozzy haplessly mumble.
2) Pink Floyd--Flaming Lips: Of course, one psychedelic band with grandiose stage shows aligns with another. Flaming Lips even recorded a version of Dark Side of the Moon. Still waiting for Pink Floyd to try their hand at Zaireeka.
1) Justin Bieber--Elvis (not clear, Presley, Costello, Hitler): I'm sure Justin Bieber is provably better than just about any act out there these days. He has the same initials as James Brown and that Funkadelic soundalike Jackson Browne. Computer glitched a little and just spat out Elvis. So we're left to wonder. Probably meant all of the them. These computers are so on-the-nose. It's like they know us.