And then the choices for Christmas albums just never match up to the dream. But here are five that should help you survive the season.
Phil Spector - A Christmas Gift For You From Phil Spector
We've written about Phil in this space before and if you didn't pick up this collection of his greatest Xmas productions then, well, you'd better do so now. Before he gets angry and allegedly does something violent. Proceeds go to buying Phil new wigs.
Jethro Tull - The Jethro Tull Christmas Album
I haven't heard this one. But I like the idea of it. Jethro Tull always used the flute for maximum effect and Xmas is one of those holidays that could always use more flute. So the math is inescapable. Get back to me and let me know if they do "The Twelve Days of Christmas." The part about the drummers drumming and the maids a-milking gets to me every time.
Mark Kozelek - Little Drummer Boy Live & White Christmas Live
These were originally given out to employees at Mark Kozelek Industries to "celebrate another stellar year of musical and marketing advancement" in lieu of a Christmas bonus. The 17,000 strong sales force enjoyed it so much at the Holiday picnic that the decision was made right there and then to release the CDs to the masses, who, of course, made MKI the leader in family entertainment it remains today.
Babyface - Christmas With Babyface
I don't listen to musicians who call themselves "babyface." Sounds too infantile. And spending Christmas "with" someone who can shave that close and smooth makes me extremely nervous. You can practically smell the Old Spice. But from what I understand there are people in this world who like this sort of thing. These people also attend movies starring Julia Roberts and think Tom Hanks is more than just the guy from Bosom Buddies. Hey, gotta love the culture!
The Chipmunks - Christmas With The Chipmunks
Now the Chipmunks were a band to reckon with. Right up there with Toe Fat, Budgie and the Clash to randomly name three of the only bands to "matter." Singing in those Bee-Gee-like falsettos and bringing mirth to people with a predilection towards Epsom salt, the Chipmunks redefined music for an entire generation and then that generation died. But we can keep the legacy alive. By pretending that we care. And pretending that we will live forever. Hey, we might!
- Jethro Tull
- Barry Manilow