To celebrate St. Patrick's Day, it seems only fitting thatwe pick out five Irish performers who we wouldn't mind punching in the mouth.You figure, drinking usually leads to loose lips, ill-advised personal advances, and eventually, if you're lucky, a skull-cracking melee. U2 may campaign forworld peace but that's thinking globally. Locally, it's a whole different game.
As someone with a good deal of Irish blood coursing throughhis cholesterol-squeezing veins, I figure all these lovely folks are ripe fora-punching. And while this blog would NEVER advocate actual violence towardsanyone--we say give PEACE a chance--we like a nice cathartic imaginary momentfrom time to time just to keep our sanity. (I say this, I note, speaking inthat disturbing "we" plurality.)
So what do you say "We" get started. Start bandaging upthose hands!
Enya: Jeez, thefirst entry and already I'm picking on a girl! Big man, huh? Well, Enya's hereto prove that you don't have to be a belligerent, overbearing, bar-hopping dudeto deserve a swift peck to the kisser. Making bland, innocuous music for whatseems like years is enough to agitate even the most mild-mannered bar patron.Is someone going to try and convince me that there's a "rocker" amongst hertitles that I've been missing all these years? Please enlighten!
Van Morrison: I've heard Van described in less thanflattering terms for years, how he isn't a very "nice" guy and that he'sabsolutely impossible to be around. This is all hearsay, but it sure is a LOT of hearsay. And where's there's smoke, there'susually at least a little bonfire if not a full-on conflagration. His concerts,however, range from transcendent to monotonous. I'll take inconsistency if itmeans risk-taking and attempts to scale the heights, but if it's just laziness,then someone needs to kick the man's butt. Is it true he keeps a time clock onstage to let him know when his 90 minutes are up?
Sinead O'Connor: I've already placed Sinead on otherlists very highly for her talents. But we must admit that this singer has beena tad too narcissistic over the years and a little too quick to let us knowwhat she's thinking about subjects she doesn't seem to have thought much about.I still can't get over that she made it onto The Oprah Winfrey Show. It's likeshe'll be doing infomercials with Billy Mays next. And readers of this blogknow how I feel about him.
Shane MacGowan: From the looks of him, this Poguessinger has already been punched in the face enough times that he probablywouldn't even notice if we hit him up one more time. You could argue what's thepoint?
Bono: You had to know Bono would top this list. Iknow he's Stopping World Hunger, Saving Africa, Ending Poverty, and SellingCellphone Service, but for his good intentions and attempts at down-to-earthhumor, he still comes off like a guy who's a little too cool for the rest of usmere mortals. And for this we wouldn't mind watching him scramble on his handsand knees on a barroom floor searching for his missing teeth. Maybe a Polidentcommercial would finally humanize this latter day Saint.