It's hard to come up with truly rotten John Lennon songs. The man did a lot of questionable things in his life, but when it came to songwriting he didn't let many lemons make it to the store. He edited himself pretty good. Now, sure at the sad hour of the anniversary of his death we remember the good songs he wrote. But Lennon was a pretty cheeky guy, who liked to keep an irreverent sense about himself. Or was he just insane to pal around with David Peel? So why not conjure up his worst moments? If he were alive today, he'd probably perform each of these songs just to annoy me. To which I would respond, Good show, my boy. And then his handlers would kick me to the curb.
We've done his five best songs. Now it is time to do his five worst ones.
"Revolution #9": Arguably not even a song, but a random noise collage that takes up half of side four of The White Album. Sure, it's good for a laugh once in awhile or if you've got guests over that you wish would go home. But once that's accomplished, just about any tune is preferable. Besides, it encouraged every untalented nitwit to release an album of "found" sound. Thanks for finding it! Except it wasn't lost!"John & Yoko": From The Wedding Album where John and Yoko say, speak, yell each other's name as if neither of them intends to answer the door. You can start to understand why some critics felt that Paul McCartney had been a better collaborating partner for Mr. Lennon. But then I'm sure the entire New York 'No Wave' scene would disagree with this assessment.
"The Luck Of The Irish": I saw him do this on the Dick Cavett show and it made me wonder if Lennon thought that maybe Ireland could be given back to the Irish simply out of pity. I mean, if this is the best you can come up with...McCartney recorded his own "Give Ireland Back to the Irish" and then backed it up with "Mary Had a Little Lamb." What did the poor Irish do to deserve this one-upmanship in crappiness?"Nutopian National Anthem": This is a track (on Mind Games) that portends those annoying moments of silence at the end of CDs where they then bury a hidden track some 18 minutes later. Since it clocks in at 0:00, it is noticeably shorter than John Cage's silent classic "4'33"" and an equal crowdstopper for Marcel Marceau.
"Beef Jerky": Lennon was clearly running out of things to say by the mid-'70s. So he records Lee Dorsey's "Ya Ya" with son Julian on drums and this instrumental for his Walls And Bridges album. Way to go out on a low note! But at least he knew enough to retire and come back when he had something to say. But then considering he was John Lennon, I'm sure he had the finest retirement specialists advising him all the way. Not like the jerk I have who keeps putting my money in his account.