I had no trouble coming up with songs for and about baseball players. The Boys of Summer are simply well-loved and I don't think any amount of human growth hormone is going to change that. However, winter sports don't inspire the same amount of admiration. But, perhaps, my shedding light on this obvious deficiency will lead to a proactive campaign from musicians of all genres to come together and correct this horrible, horrible oversight.
San Dimas High School Football Rules"--The Ataris: From a band who once covered Don Henley's "The Boys Of Summer," comes this song about high school football, which sadly isn't usually played much into the wintertime like professional football. But, listen, I didn't want to submit two ice skating songs, and surely mentioning the Ataris as opposed to Randy Newman and his "Golden Gridiron Boy" tune has got to be the better move for my career as well.
"Hit Somebody! (The Hockey Song)"--Warren Zevon: One of my New Year's Resolutions was to make sure I make more mention of Warren Zevon than I have in past years. I've really dropped the ball on this one. I haven't lived a "Warren-less" life, but I haven't lived a "Warren-full" life either. And this is something I don't want to live to regret and I don't think you as a concerned reader would want to regret either. So, together, let's stay on top of this Warren Zevon thing, shall we?
Bif Naked: Paul Simon sang that every generation throws a hero up the pop charts, but what he didn't mention is how every generation has lots of potential heroes they don't throw up the pop charts no matter how hard that potential hero tries to be that hero. Maybe if snowboarding was a more popular pastime, Bif Naked would've caught on and become that huge rockstar she always seemed ready to be. She has the tattoos! She has the hair! She's had the touring schedule! (And now we learn she's also battling breast cancer to which we offer her a full and speedy recovery). Somebody should be fired for this injustice. But who?
"Tonya's Twirls"--Loudon Wainwright III: Unlike Warren Zevon, I'm really not on a mission to bring the world more Loudon Wainwright III. It just so happens, the man is just so damn topical. He writes songs about stuff and eventually when I'm looking around for songs about stuff, his songs stick out as applying to my predicament. Here I was getting all bent out of shape about whether or not I could find myself a song about Ice Skating and WHAMO! I realized that Loudo had written this song about Tonya Harding, the Olympic figure skater from the trailer park who hung around some pretty shady dudes who allegedly tried to break her competitor's leg. Now that makes for a pretty damn interesting song!
Ice Fishing"--Bill Morrissey: Oh man, I know what you're thinking. What could possibly be more exciting than a Bill Morrissey song about Ice Fishing? The answer: a two-hour video of watching him ice fish! Does he catch anything? You'll just have to wait and find out! No spoilers here! Enjoy!