Show business is a tough racket. It spits and chews out the weak at heart and hooks everybody else up on drink and drugs. Until they find Scientology and then they get really weird. But it is not up to me to judge, but to mock. As I sit here on my $49 throne, purchased at a random office supply store, I aspire to set the world on the path of the straight, the narrow and the righteous. I don't know what that actually means, but I lifted it from something I read in the subway once.
Snow is white. Cocaine is white. An observant social commentator made the link and henceforth Cocaine acquired the nickname "Snow." Notice actual "snow" has never been nicknamed "Cocaine." No one has ever told their little ones to go run out and play in the cocaine for awhile. They did, however, name an energy drink after it. So there are rules to these sorts of things, just not the kind you might think.
Here are five songs about that "other" kind of snow.
Snowblind"--Black Sabbath: Ace Frehley also had a song called "Snowblind" where he screams, "I can't see a thing." I like that song better because it's stupider. But this one has the really good guitar riff. So, for once, I let my better taste decide. Besides, pictures of Ozzy always do really well with the kids, I'm told by my marketing department. (Who, by the way, are designing a "List of the Day" no-spill coffee mug for those of you interested...)
"Snowblind Friend"--Steppenwolf: Ah, the concern of watching a good friend "lying on the pavement with misery on his brain." Who somehow gets up the money to buy a one-way ticket on an "airline made of snow." Where do these people get the money is what I keep wondering. When I'm broke, without a job, I don't have money for food or shelter, never mind expensive drugs. And it's not like the guys you're buying it from are like those mortgage folks who didn't care if you had no income, these guys expect to be paid.
Moonlight Mile"--The Rolling Stones: Ah, this might be the most dangerous drug song of all because unlike others where the people involved are usually having a bad time, the folks in this song seem to be enjoying themselves. It sounds warm and lush and everyone's well-fed and dreaming and, well, it would really be a better public service announcement if Mick stopped the song mid-way and said something like, "I know this sounds fine and dandy, but, really, people, people, don't do this drug. It's awful and makes you stupid and if you saw some of the people we allow to hang around us because of it, well, your parents, heck, my parents, would be appalled. That's all I'm saying."
"Cocaine"--Eric Clapton: OK, so now he's the poster boy for celebrity, high-class rehab, but there was a time when this J.J. Cale song really meant something personal to Mr. Clapton and it wasn't the warning that it is today. There was a time when this man's life was in danger because of his appreciation of hard drugs. Nobody in this song is sniffing Tylenol, I can guarantee you that.
"White Lines (Don't Do It)"--Melle Mel and Grandmaster Flash: Ah, the parenthetical warning, you know how much we at "List of the Day" love those kinds of things. At least there's a warning. An awful lot of people at my high school who didn't even like music knew the words to this one. They owned it and played it and I initially assumed because it was just a great song. But then I listened closer and realized that my poor, innocent classmates had made a deal with the devil and would burn for eternity. So what if they did better than me on their SATs? In the end, they were in trouble!