You saw this one coming. I saw this one coming. And, no, you can't just have a hamburger instead. It's Thanksgiving and everyone will have turkey for dinner. Except for vegetarians, who will imbibe Tofurkey! Which looks really good if the picture on the box is to be believed.
As I've noted, musicians don't seem to get real jazzed about this holiday and boy does it ever show when you see the paltry choices I had when picking out the seasonal tuneage. Help me out, people! Write a few songs about Winter Solstice! Philip Freneau Month! Arbor Day! Flag Day! Please make my job easier. Look at this mess, will you? These aren't even songs about food!
"Cold Turkey" - John Lennon
See what I mean? This is a song about kicking heroin addiction. About being sick. About wanting to be dead. What the hell kind of holiday can you have with this crap playing in the background?
"Turkey Dinner" - Hoodoo Gurus
These guys are from Australia. They don't have Thanksgiving there. They don't need to. Then why are they singing about a Turkey Dinner? Were they hoping to get their tune picked up by a TV dinner manufacturer? Trying to make nice with Americans whose musicians won't write a single song to honor their own damn day?
"Turkey Bacon" - Atomic Harvesters
From what I've read these guys are from Boston, which at least puts them in the right place. Of course, they can't just give us a straight-up Turkey song. They have to dilute the essence by making it Turkey Bacon, which of course is a healthier alternative to pig bacon. Oh, joy. Why don't we adopt a highway while we're at it? You good people, you.
"Wild Turkey" - Jefferson Airplane
I was so psyched when I saw this pop up. Finally! They even have Jefferson in the title of their band and he's on our money somewhere isn't he? Well, he's someone who was important to our country's history. But then I learn this song is an instrumental! There won't be a turkey in the oven this year, dear. It'll be my head instead!
"Turkey Vultures" - Sundowners
On May 21, 1994, the Sundowners, who allegedly include that Bonnie Prince Billy weirdo, released a six song 7-inch EP called Goat Songs and included a song called "Turkey Vultures" that along with a cover of Leonard Cohen's "Tonight Will Be Fine" is about the only listenable thing on it. It has nothing to do with turkey dinners, stuffing, mashed potatoes, gravy, pie...nothing. But at least it isn't about drug addiction!