Like many of you, I spend most of my time watching the Game Show Network and pretending it's 1985. After all, back then my bones didn't ache and you could get the old man up the street to buy you a case of Old German beer for about six bucks. I didn't even have to come close to getting drunk before throwing up!
But now as a mature adult, I occasionally watch the news, or what passes for it (while The $25,000 Pyramid is at commercial), and I don't like what I see. No way, dog-gummit! It seems like not a night passes when I don't hear politicians blaming each other for what is clearly their fault. I just heard something about the Governor of my former state, New Jersey, blaming the President for not catching the Gov's mistakes on some fancy forms for education funding. You would think if it's something important, the Governor would have some mighty smart people on his team to double-check his and his staff's work!
I always have my mom check over my columns and that's really tricky because she's dead!
Anyhow, here are 10 songs for the "Blame Game," except one that's a film! I wouldn't have included it if the evil overlords at Y! Music hadn't forced me to put it on here. It's their mistake; I just work here. Therefore, it's YOUR fault.
10) "Margaritaville"--Jimmy Buffett: "Some people claim that there's a woman to blame." Yes, Jimmy starts off with the unidentified assertion that "some people claim," which usually means the person doing the unidentified asserting is claiming al by their lonesome, but by the end of the song he fesses up that it's his "own damn fault." Now that's thoughtftul.
8) "Blame It On The Boogie"--The Jackson Five: This sounds like something politicians really would blame. It's that damn "boogie music" that's causing impressionable teens to shake their morals away. If we could get them to sit still, they might listen to their parents, stop smoking the pot and get better grades. As it is, they're just stupid.
7) "Blame It On The Tetons"--Modest Mouse: Why is it that everything Modest Mouse do is so damn indecipherable and weird? Their music always sounds like it's coming from another planet. And here they seem to be making my point that people are always blaming the wrong things. But it's Modest Mouse, so I'm not sure what they're saying. I hate people who are smarter than me.
6) "Blame It On Cain"--Elvis Costello: Elvis Costello takes part in Bible Rock. Bruce Springsteen would follow the next year with "Adam Raised a Cain." Did anyone ever stop to consider that maybe his brother Abel was a real jerk?
5) Blame It On Rio: According to the Internet Movie Datebase, the tagline for this movie is: "You can blame the night, blame the wine, blame the moon in her eyes, but when all else fails...you'd better...Blame it on Rio!" and "She's the hottest thing on the beach. She's also his best friend's daughter!" I've never seen the film, since it's against my religious beliefs to watch movies that include Demi Moore, but Michelle Johnson (as in 'Whatever Happened To'? is the alluring "best friend's daughter" and Michael Caine is the creepy older dude. Meaning the film should've been called: Blame It On Caine! Elvis Costello, come on DOWN!
4) "Blame It On The Girls"--Mika: Here's a song where everyone's to blame: girls, boys, mother, father (even though he's dead) but Mika knows that men always like to blame the little woman for their own damn stupidity--and for why they can't go out on Friday Night with the boys. Now, I always thought it was kind of odd how men want to date women and then when they do, they want to hang out with the guys. And some people claim there's a woman to blame? Get Jimmy Buffett down here to set some people straight.
3) "Blame It (On The Alcohol)"--Jamie Foxx: Anyone who watches MTV, and The Real World, Jersey Shore and whatever else they're showing besides videos, knows the "Alcohol Defense." My parents used to tap the Whiskey bottle whenever I wasn't behaving properly and they gave me a copy of Daddy Drinks Because You Cry and it altered my life.
2) "Blame It On The Rain"--Milli Vanilli: The greatest recording duo in the history of music tells us who to blame it on and defenseless Weather Channel personnel are killed senselessly. Except Jim Cantore. Nobody messes with him.
1) "Blame Canada"--South Park: The worst part about blaming Canada for things? The Canadians are always so nice and polite about it! It's like they look at the U.S. like we're a bunch of screaming children forever throwing temper tantrums and they're waiting us out until we run out of breath. I hate people who are calm and rational.