Oh, well, let's put together a list of performers who have at some point made our Halloween's better. People who play the kind of music that demands you drink red Kool-Aid from a Skull. My crazy computer once again suggested Jackson Browne! If only more people had died at Jackson Browne concerts, I could've slipped him in. As it stands, the likelihood at expiring at a Jackson Browne concert is shockingly remote. I guess not everyone feels as "on the edge" when they hear "For a Dancer" as yours truly.
Enough of my babbling, let's get this over with!
10) The Misfits: I listened to the new Glenn Danzig album and it sounded pretty good. Real raw. It reminded me that he used to be pretty good. The Misfits, as has been argued on at least one Facebook wall, were a damn fine pop group. I can still hum most of "Walk Among Us" when asked and "Where Eagles Dare" was good enough for me to quote in my high school yearbook, where they altered it ever so slightly. Yes, you can't have Halloween without some "Astro Zombies" taking over the home turf.
9) Blind Willie Johnson: Uh, this one is a bit of a party killer. "God Don't Never Change," "Dark Was The Night, Cold Was The Ground" this blues can make you shudder (to think). You want horror? You got horror. Think about what it means to be broke in this society when others have billions of dollars and they don't wish to fork over another 4%. That's horror!
8) King Diamond: I hope you can hear me whining from the backseat, "Play more King Diamond, Dad!" I love this guy. I have a cousin who unintentionally looks like him. His music with Mercyful Fate was so great because he screamed like a little girl who had her favorite doll (or truck!) taken away. "Nuns Have No Fun," maybe so, but priests have obviously been getting their kicks. Watch "Deliver Us From Evil" and tell me that isn't horrific!
7) A.C.: I can't even write out this band's name! But if you websearch them and look at their song titles, which I can't print, you'll know why these guys belong on your Halloween shopping list. Sorry to be so vague, but this is a family establishment I'm running here! How's your mom?
6) Lisa Suckdog: I attended a Lisa Suckdog concert once, back in 1990. Music? Terrible! The show itself? Horrific. I think someone took a crap on stage. Funnily enough, I don't own any of her records. Or remember a single song. Neither should you.
5) Einsturzende Neubauten: The sound of collapsing new buildings? Sounds about right. Though I would double-check on these buildings' ages. In the very beginning, these guys sounded like the sonic equivalent to eating fried chicken before bedtime.
4) Venom: I'm sure at this point, these fellas are "old-school." But you have to respect your elders. While other goofheads are playing stuff for Dungeons & Dragons, Venom were dipping their guitar wicks into Satan's brew.
3) Karen Finley: OK, she wasn't a musician but a "performance artist" who enraged the "family values" sector of the religious right. Who doesn't love a good monolog about shoving yams up a grandmother's butt? In comedy clubs, this stuff would kill!
2) G.G. Allin: One of the most frequent mentions on this blog if only because he was so "great." People went to his concerts wondering if he might try to kill them. It wasn't just some idle wondering; he threatened to do it! What says more about great music than a guy who's willing to kill his audience off because they don't deserve to hear him! Had Toto (the band) used these tactics they, too, could've been "great"!
1) Screamin' Jay Hawkins: Nobody deserves this spot more than the guy whose "I Put A Spell On You" should be the National Anthem of Halloween. C'mon, he was jumping out of crypts before most of us were even born. He's a man who deserves your attention. So let's give to him this Halloween.