Upon realizing that I've compiled over 400 "Lists of the Day," I realized that I do a lot of realizing stuff. I make connections where others would find something more important to do. I read over all 400 blogs and was thoroughly impressed that there was no discernible difference from the first blog to the latest blog. I'm like the McDonalds of List-Making.
I may be lousy, but I'm consistently lousy.
Which may put me at war with Ralph Waldo Emerson and all the fine comment-makers who, in the beginning, were particularly mean about this whole enterprise. As if I, somehow, was unaware of the futility of this act. The only people I've ever expected to agree with this column are 1) my fab g-friend, 2) my real-life friends, 3) people who think I can do something for them. I don't even like the word blog. How could I ever expect anyone else to agree on anything?
To those who think I "dumb down" this column, I assure you, I am this stupid.
But I believe that rock music--yes, I still call it that--is at its best when it's the devil's music. When it inspires everyone to get testy and argue. Not that I like to argue. Mostly, I like to stare into the futility of existence and have that sandwich that Warren Zevon advised.
Listed below are the 25 "Best" List of the Day "blogs" as hand-picked by yours truly. The order gets strangely chronological at one point because I don't like to do a lot of unnecessary cutting and pasting. Besides, it doesn't really matter whether something is #13 or #17. Only the top few are sacred. And, of course, #25, the one that even the most bored readers notice.
If I ever win the lottery (I might have to play it first), you can crash on my boat anytime.
Thanks for reading. And here's to 400 more!
Five Energy Drinks We'd Like To See (Friday, June 29, 2007): The second blog I submitted turned out to be one on Energy Drinks because it seemed like a good idea at the time. Blog features the only known mention of the Prodigy.
24) Five Songs Promoting Transit in America (Friday, November 30, 2007): This blog was a "workout" with the Department of Transportation. It's likely the only time Soul Asylum were mentioned in this blog and the only time I said anything about the 15 Rob Roys and the Dodge Colt. Crap, people, it was a rental car.
The 25 Worst Hair Metal Bands (Thursday, May 1, 2008): I also did a Best of List, but really, who cares about that? It's always more fun to argue over the worst. Sometimes, I even like the worst bands better.
22) Do You Remember 1969? (Monday, August 3, 2009): I remember this one fondly because it was the one I wrote before they cut my brain open. Everything I wrote after that for the next six months was written while barely conscious. Yet, you can't tell!
The 25 Worst Rappers of All-Time (Thursday, April 17, 2008): This was another favorite of mine, since I asked a few people for help and they added some interesting ideas. Choosing Will Smith was my bright idea and it dominated the comments, proving, once and again, that TV and movies makes you more likable.
20) Favorite Onstage Altercations (Thursday, September 11, 2008): Who doesn't enjoy a good fight?
Where Are They Now? They're A Website! (Monday, November 10, 2008): There really is nothing like ruining people's lives by throwing them into the "Where Are They Now?" pile. Then again, I'm in the "Where Was I In the First Place"?
18) Ten Bizarre Grammys (Tuesday, February 3, 2009): Everyone loves to hate the Grammys and the Academy gives us plenty of reasons to shake our heads. Jethro Tull's Grammy for Best Heavy Metal Act is just the beginning.
The 10 Unforgivable Sins of Bruce Springsteen's Performance at the Super Bowl (February 1, 2009): I like Bruce Springsteen, but anyone who thinks he's beyond criticism is nuts. He has a corn streak so bad he should move to Nebraska.
16) 25 Garage Rock Heroes (Monday, July 13, 2009): There's something about Garage Rock that always makes me happy and happier still to bring obscure names to the spotlight.
Ten Songs About Balloons (Monday, October 19, 2009): You'd have to be a pretty churlish dude to not dig the majesty of balloons. Gummo, the sentient bubble, agrees.
14) Ten Performers Who Could Play the Super Bowl (February 12, 2010): I love coming up with lists for things where I have no impact. The NFL surely don't care who I want to see at the half-time show. And I, in return, don't watch the silly little game that bookends this crazy little entertainment thing.
A Brief History of Dog Rock (Thursday, January 28, 2010): While I can't quite believe I left off Paul Leary's The History of Dogs, I did uncover a tradition that not many others have paid attention to.
12) Twenty-Five Songs With Secret Anti-American Messages (Monday, March 22, 2010): I love people who are completely paranoid and crazy. It's made it so much easier to unload that time-share at the North Pole. Anyone else want to buy some government-tested snow? Or some clean urine?
10) Five Musicians Worth Suing For the Heck Of It (Thursday, April 10, 2008): Some readers didn't quite see my point. I still think it's a great idea to sue people for your own problems. I wouldn't be able to withstand blaming myself for all the things that have gone wrong.
Five Duets We Look Forward to Hearing This Year (Thursday, July 19, 2007): I really want to hear a producer come along and match up Gwen Stefani and Muddy Waters for a take on "Diggin' My Potatoes." And anything with Jimmy Buffett and Joy Behar would be splendid. Really splendid.
8) Five Causes We Don't Expect To Benefit (Friday, July 20, 2007): This early blog discusses people and things that aren't likely to get benefit concerts thrown at them, despite the fact that they grease the wheels of celebrity. A shame "Blogger Aid" never caught on. I could've used the money.
The Secret Messages Behind These Well-Known Songs (Tuesday, August 10, 2010): The whole world has gone crazy and I didn't want to get left behind, so I told the world what I really thought. And I still didn't get my own cable show. You should see the kids they have on our local access. A bunch of amateurs!
6) Who Bought The 25 Best Selling Albums of All-Time? (Monday, July 19, 2010): I've always liked solving mysteries and figuring out who spends money on music is one mystery that can never really be solved. Sensible people would spend their money on a power-washer for the house.
Bait and Switch: 25 Acts A Computer Says You Will Like (Sunday, October 17, 2010): Sometimes I wish I could get a computer to write this column. Just to see what it would spit out. But I could be in deep trouble if it wrote better than me. Which is why I'm constantly upping my standards with grain alcohol. I write best when the room spins!
4) The Cheat Sheet - 25 Token Performers (Wednesday, May 27, 2009): I have always wanted this blog to be helpful. Nothing is more helpful than teaching others how to bluff their way through dull dinner conversation. Don't you wish you could kill people and not get in trouble?
Five Great Lake Songs In Honor of Greg Lake! (Saturday, November 10, 2007): This was a case of my own "Bait and Switch." I suckered in the millions of Greg Lake fans who were celebrating his 60th birthday and then gave them a list of songs that had lakes in them. The people of Minnesota got very mad at me.
2) Five Songs for Delaware (Wednesday, February 27, 2008): My one stroke of brilliance was realizing there were 50 states and that would mean 50 blogs. Except I stopped somewhere around Maine, leaving us the promise of someday getting around to New Hampshire, Oregon, Puerto Rico, Texas and Wyoming. Delaware was my high point, since it was the one state that had more songs against it than for it.
The Five Most Influential Bands in Rock History (Monday, July 23, 2007): Readers didn't always understand what I was getting at. I said "influential," not necessarily good. I've never understood why Milli Vanilli got in trouble for not performing their own music. How many musicians have used session guys to do their work for them? What is auto-tune for today? Authenticity? Please.