So I knew it would be good. I just didn't know how good!
Well, it was a long twelve minutes. The cardio-burn rate was entirely appropriate considering this year's Super Bowl half-time show was a Tribute To Jack Lalanne!
Here are my ten important - and I mean, IMPORTANT, CRUCIAL, IMPOSSIBLE TO LIVE WITHOUT - insights into this Mega-Extravaganza!
In somewhat order of how they came to me:
10) The Black Eyed Peas Were The Perfect Band To Play Half-Time!: Unless you want to get Kiss to perform, The Peas are the best show on Earth for people who are sitting at home watching. Half-time shows are always circus-like! And no one should ever expect a transcendent musical performance in the MIDDLE OF A FOOTBALL GAME! Like I believe I pointed out last year, if I went to a concert and a football game broke out in the middle, I wouldn't be cheering it on!
8) The Band Sound Like Military Drill Sergeants: When they're all yelling at once, it sounds like four military officers barking commands all at the same time. Amazingly, they have enough troops to get the job done. Who are these people? It's like each member of the band represents a part of our military: Army, Air Force, Navy, Marines.
6) What a Great Band!: Uh, does anyone know where the music is coming from? Does anyone care? Shouldn't a musical group have to credit the musicians who play the music? Is it live or is it Memorex? What is going on here?
Slash Because Fergie Wants To Be The Next Axl Rose!: On the bright side, if Fergie takes over for Axl Rose, Guns n' Roses are likely to have a new album out before the year 2020! Doesn't Slash look exactly like a parody of a rock star? Is that really him underneath that hat?
4) This Show Is In Tribute to Jack Lalanne!: I am truly heartwarmed to see that all this moving around has a purpose. They are obviously paying tribute to the late Jack Lalanne! This really is wonderful entertainment! They should have the Black Eyed Peas come back every year!
USHER! Because The Peas Don't Have Enough Material To Fill Out A Full Twelve Minutes!: Wow! They brought out USHER to play with them! Man, at this rate, they won't have to break back into that "I Gotta Feeling That Tonight's Gonna Be A Good Night, Yeah, Tonight's Gonna Be a Good, Good Night" song!
Update: Oops, looks like they did!
2) Fergie Can Sing A Different Song Than The Rest Of The Band And No One Notices!: I don't know what Fergie's singing about over there, but it doesn't sound anything like what the rest of them are doing! She's gone mavericky!
Someone said as it went to commercial: "THAT WAS MEGA!" That's what I said before it all began!
I don't know about you, but I'm going to go out and buy their calendar!
Photos, from top: Kevin Mazur/Contributor/WireImage; Christopher Polk/Staff/Getty Images Entertainment/Getty Images; Jeff Kravitz/Contributor/FilmMagic, Inc/FilmMagic; Ronald Martinez/Staff/Getty Images Sport/Getty Images; Christopher Polk/Staff/Getty Images Entertainment/Getty Images; Tom Pennington/Stringer/Getty Images Sport/Getty Images.