Considering the wild ways of the music business, it's always amazing--touching, even--when couples perform together. Sometimes they love each other. Sometimes they hate each other. But if the money's right, chances are, they'll tolerate anything. Heck, before the government had them killed, the Ramones for their final decade supposedly didn't talk to one another. Communication is clearly overrated. As the Long Island poet laureate Billy Joel said in a completely different context, "All you need are looks and a whole lot of money."
Tim McGraw - Faith Hill: We like her because she's tall and we've seen her in commercials. (At this point, you are correct in asking "Rob, who is this 'we' you are referring to?" I have no idea, but it sounds profound). We like him because his father was a baseball player named Tug and he hasn't done anything so egregious as singing about the love of his tractor or snapping up beer for his horses or advised people to ride a cowboy. In fact, these two are so damned normal by most industry standards that it's almost disturbing. There's no reality show here. Unless there's a dark side they're hiding. Someone find it and get back to me.
Lindsey Buckingham - Stevie Nicks: For a woman who spends most of her time petting her stuffed animals, Fleetwood Mac's Stevie Nicks can sure shoot daggers into the eyes of her wounded lovers. While they haven't been a couple in decades, whenever Nicks and Lindsey Buckingham sing those old songs to one another, she always looks like she's about ready to kill him. And he always has a look of "Oh, crap, someone give Stevie her pink elephant before she eats me for breakfast."
Ozzy Osbourne - Sharon Osbourne: Oh, sure, she doesn't sing. And if you really listen, neither does he. So they're even. But that hasn't stopped them from being a major success. Face it, if it wasn't for his wife, Ozzy would be watching cartoons in a rehab clinic somewhere wondering when his next turn at cleaning up the highway was coming up. With Sharon carefully, skillfully and ruthlessly plotting their next move, the Osbournes are sure to exist way beyond their eventual deaths. You think the marketing for Elvis, Hendrix and Cobain is a tad overwhelming? You ain't seen nothin' yet! This Crazy Train will NOT be going off the rails anytime soon! (ouch).
John Lennon - Yoko Ono: This Blog's favorite couple. It's one of those amazing, timeless love stories. He grabs an electric guitar and an amp. She shoves herself in a bag and starts screaming. They release an album where they yell each other's name way past the point of boredom. They sit in bed for a week and invite the press to hang out and watch cartoons with them. The sick part is he had a career before he met her. He was in a pretty good band that had a few hits and could've really been something, but instead he found it far more rewarding to bake bread at home. And she decided to buy cows!
Whitney Houston - Bobby Brown: Oh, there are those of you who wanted this slot to go to Johnny Cash and June Carter Cash. The lobbying for Richard and Linda Thompson was fierce. The punks came out for John Doe and Exene. Sonny and Cher? Aw! They all made music together. These two made history! I look at it this way. Whitney Houston married Bobby Brown and suddenly NEITHER of them seemed to have any more hits. You could turn on the radio and not be bludgeoned with their latest songs because they stopped! They stopped each other and they saved, arguably, the world in the process. Thank you. Just thank you.