Unlike brothers who fight all the time, sisters work together to overcome oppression, unfair and discriminatory labor practices, war, famine and their annoying brothers. Therefore, it should come as little surprise that when sisters get together to work, it is often in harmonious glee. While I'm sure most of my readership will be wondering why the Andrew Sisters didn't make this list, let me just repeat my usual defense: it's all in the mathematical computations. I've got this computer - the ORB 2003-X4-109 - and it does everything for me. Including write this column. Thanks, Orb.
Now the Five Best Sister Acts:
Jessica and Ashlee Simpson: These two are so good and so talented that they're not allowed to perform together. There isn't a stage strong enough to hold the two of them And besides, you can make twice as much money if you perform separately, a fact that isn't lost on them or their dear old dad. What I find absolutely fascinating about these two is how one of them has blonde hair and the other one doesn't. But sometimes they dye their hair different colors just to confuse. Anyone know if their records are any good?
Smoosh - Asya, Chloe and Maia: Another one of these cutting edge groups I've been reading about. Seems to be that they added Maia once their parents realized they'd left her out. OOPS! Since they're in the witness protection program, they're not allowed to give out their last names. And because they're very young, they're technically illegal to listen to in something like 17 states. I'm personally looking forward to the day when they add more twins to the mix. C'mon, mom and dad, keep the kiddies coming!
The Roches - Maggie, Terre and Suzzy: This is for all the old people in the audience. New York City breeds a ton of kooks. Some of them grow up to work in bookstores, eat organic food and make music. They meet other influential people with money (in their case, Paul "Hello, darkness, My old friend" Simon) who then convince big record companies to bankroll their albums and next thing you know they're critically acclaimed and don't sell any records. This keeps up for years. New producers, new albums, no sales. This, in turn, makes them even weirder. Weirder songs, weirder haircuts, weirder clothes. Eventually, they become legends and their albums are referred to as "seminal."
Tegan and Sara: Canadian law says I have to mention these two. So, here they are Calgary's finest recent export, Tegan and Sara. Fellow Canadian Neil Young signed them to his Vapor Records under pressure from the Canadian government and mandatory audiences attended their concerts as part of a government subsidized work-release program. They've since recorded four albums that use increasingly more instruments and their hair seems to be growing at a healthy clip. If they find a third sister, they will have to date the dudes in Rush. Not a pleasant scenario.
Heart - Ann and Nancy Wilson: These two Led Zeppelin fans based in Washington state sneaked into the Canadian scene by joining a group from Vancouver that became known as Heart. For some reason, Nancy felt it necessary to learn an instrument (for a music career, how quaint!) so she learned the guitar and let her sister Ann sing most of the songs, which she did very loudly. They became very popular with hard rock songs and eventually worldwide stars who no longer needed the help of the Canadian government to push their music. Impressive. Lacking that crucial third sister, they, too, were never forced to marry the members of Rush. Nancy, however, was imported to California where under the vague laws of the motion picture industry she was married to a Hollywood director who continues to use her songs in his films - or else!