My job isn't just to report on the obvious trends in music, but to seek out those that have been hiding underneath, behind or on top of the radar. Haven't heard of the "Knock Rock" movement? That's because, well, I'm not allowed to tell you why. Let's leave it at that. Let's just say Bob Hope didn't do all those Texaco "Anti-Knock" commercials for nothing!
The point is, it's real, it exists and if it isn't addressed: VERY BAD THINGS WILL HAPPEN. (Can you tell it's an ELECTION YEAR?) Then again, you could go for: ignore something unpleasant and it will go away. But I'm still here, so we see that doesn't work.
Here's a brief history of "Knock Rock." Truth is, there's even more lurking! Including those benign looking Monkees who had that Neil Sedaka song "When Love Comes Knockin' (at Your Door)." Further proof that the "Knock" has infiltrated everything! I can't even drink the water around here anymore!
25) "Can't You Hear Me Knockin'"--The Rolling Stones: You should never trust anything involving the Rolling Stones. They were out to ruin society from the moment they showed up. In answer to the question, "Would you let your daughter marry a Rolling Stone?" I can only say, "Well, yeah, as long as the money comes with it!" That's not an answer that I would've been given back in 1963!
24) "She's A Knockout"--Social Distortion: The name of the band should tell you all you need to know. Anything "social" is bad. "Distortion" is "the mistake of misrepresenting the facts." We would never want either of these things to be true and spend most of our time at List Of The Day ensuring we are neither social or distorting anything. We stand for truth.
23) Knock Knock--Smog: I don't think it's much of a coincidence that Smog recorded an entire album called Knock Knock and then soon after changed the name to (Smog) and then Bill Callahan. A man's shame is a powerful tool to use against him.
22) "Knock Knock Who's There"--Mary Hopkin: You take one look at Mary Hopkin and all her wholesome milky goodness and you know underneath it all is the mark of the beast.
20) "Don't Knock It 'Til You Try It"--Hooters: Imagine telling your kids this when they ask you about Cocaine! The amount of irresponsibility found in rock music knows no bounds. This list is filled with awful advice and truth that doesn't deserve the word!
19) Don't Knock The Rok--Roky Erickson: Roky Erickson was / is insane. So why not name an album this? It's not like he's going to notice.
18) "Let 'Em In"--Paul McCartney And The Wings: Doesn't seem so obvious at first and some people might think The Verve deserve this spot for "No Knock On My Door," but the Verve never get the knock! While McCartney has "someone knocking at the door" and what does he do? He has the help open the door and "let 'em in," further encouraging this aberrant behavior. The correct response would be to shoot to kill.
17) "Don't Go Knocking On My Door"--Britney Spears: YAY! Britney! You tell "'em" girl! Finally someone who cares! I always knew Britney wasn't just some mindless teen idol but an entertainer with a conscience! Just for this, I'm going to go out and BUY HER CLOTHES!
16) "The Needle And The Damage Done" ("I caught you knocking at my cellar door")--Neil Young: Just in case you needed further proof that there is a direct connection between knocking and heroin abuse. I hope you people are starting to get it before it's too late.
13) "Knockin' On Joe"--Nick Cave And The Bad Seeds: You look at Nick Cave and you can see he's up to no good. I don't know what "Joe" did to him but it probably wasn't too cool. I might be knockin' on him, too. If I were that kind of person. But I'm not. And never will be. You understand?
12) "Let Them Knock"--Sharon Jones And The Dap-Kings : This aggravates me beyond life. "Let Them Knock"? You mean, you're not even going to warn them of the consequences? Listen, I don't care if people make the decision to burn in hell for all eternity, but it should be an educated decision.
11) "Keep A Knockin'"--Little Richard: This song's been around since the 1930s. It's been recorded by many artists but never better than by Little Richard who was in his Satanic phase when this was recorded. He has since repented (I think). There is still hope for all of us. But not much.
10) "Knock On Wood"--Eddie Floyd: So many of us lulled by the seductive Stax horns were initially unable to realize the sinister plot behind this song. Satan works this way, people. He comes at you with an Ice Cream Cake and Cookies. He doesn't show up with vegetables!
9) Frankie And The Knockouts: An entire band that worked against society. Wonder why they never became super-popular? Because Ronald Reagan single-handedly stopped them. And you wonder why people miss the old man?
8) "Mama Said Knock You Out"--LL Cool J: I can only wonder what kind of family raised LL Cool J if his mother is telling her son to "knock you out." I blame it on the industrial revolution. People have too much time on their hands and think they can go around fighting for no reason. We must fight with purpose.
7) "Knock Three Times"--Tony Orlando And Dawn: They once gave this fool his own TV show. Three times is an overdose of knocking. Clearly, this is an illicit affair. Everyone knows sex is the gateway drug to unwanted children, STDs and an annoying ex that you never want to hear from. If someone knocks three times on the ceiling for you, do yourself a favor and MOVE.
6) "Don't Come Back Knockin'"--Buddy Holly: He wore glasses and he recorded in the 1950s back when everyone respected each other and you could cross the street without worrying about being run over by a bad person. But Holly was planning to be part of the evil "Knock" movement and he was snuffed out by the very Anti-Knocking Aviation League before he could do any real damage.
5) "Knockin' On Heaven's Door"--Bob Dylan: Yes, Dylan hopped on every trend. Big folky guitar man, evil electric guitar dude, professional recluse hermit, Kabuki makeup spokesmodel, Jesus salesman, hooded sweatshirt gnome and mysterious high hat beaver mustache man, Bob's done it all. This is one of his most successful tunes because it was artificially pumped-up by the "Knock Rock" lobby!
4) "Knock Me Down"--Red Hot Chili Peppers: "If you see me getting high / Knock Me Down" Hmmn, that sounds wholesome enough. An anti-drug message with "knock" being a positive answer to a potential problem. However, we all know rockers speak in code and surely this really means to "join me around back and we'll overdose and die together." Remember, you can never be too paranoid. Hey! Look over there, it's your MOM!
3) "KnockOut"--Lil' Wayne: The kids love the Lil' Wayne. He's like the Kermit The Frog of the hip-hop community, or maybe Oscar The Grouch. The point is the kids are listening and not only does he insist on using profane words in his raps, he's knocking out with the knock. 2012 can't come soon enough!
2) "Knock Knock"--Monica (written by Missy Elliott and Kanye West): Further proof that the "Knock" movement shows no signs of abating. This is a Trifecta of Talent here: Monica, Missy Elliot and Kanye West. Now they're pulling the triple-team on us.
1) Don't Knock The Rock--film starring Alan Dale: It was all right there in the beginning. But people didn't take action and now it's completely out of control. You can't put a genie back inside a bottle and you can't take the Knock out of the Rock. Or maybe we can go backwards? Let's take America "back" and see what happens. See ya on the soup line!