Holy smoke! Every week I stick my hand into the grab bag of new releases and expect to come up with some winners, some losers, and a big batch of people nobody in their right mind has ever heard of.

This week? Bingo! Come Thanksgiving vacation--the biggest shopping week of the year, by some counts--and every big artist and album you've ever heard of, including U2, Genesis, the Apple Pie Motherhood Band, Bob Marley and the Red Hot Chili Peppers, all have "new" product for consumers to gleefully purchase! And most of these albums--reissues all--include secret, previously unissued "bonus" tracks that every fervent collector will have to buy to prove their devotion to their most favorite artists ever!

May I be candid?

It almost appears the American music industry is in danger of commercializing the holiday season!

Luckily, as we all know, the man can't bust our music, and if we all just stick together, everything will work out in the end! That's why Fall Out Boy's new album Infinity On

You want well-rounded? This week's new releases feature acts who made their names in the '60s, '70s, '80s, '90s, and '00s!

Maybe today's music scene is as its absolute zenith--and consumers of all ages will be rushing to retail outlets to pick up the latest exciting recordings from their respective heroes!

Or maybe record companies are now completely at wit's end--and hurling anything out there in hopes something, somehow will stick against the wall!

Or maybe it's all just completely random and there's no natural order to the world whatsoever!

Nah! That would be stupid!

Let's go get coffee!

EAGLES: Long Road Out Of Eden (Eagles Recording Co.) This is the big week in which the Eagles' new album is released, and if you happen to be shopping at Wal-Mart or Sam's Club or surfing the actual Eagles website--and heck, who isn't?--you're sure to know that already! Because those are pretty much the only places you can buy it! And if you live out in the boondocks, with no Wal-Mart or Internet

What a week! After this new hubbub about that "exhilarating" Britney Spears video come three new albums--all in their own way just as relevant to today's sizzling pop music climate, and certainly a much-needed breath of fresh air.

First, that new Radiohead album which costs as much--or as little--as fans want to pay!

Next, the long-awaited debut of the unconventionally named Naked Brothers Band!

And finally, the release of Electric Six's I Shall Exterminate Everything Around Me That Restricts Me From Being The Master--clearly the year's best album for its name alone!

Sadly, all three albums must be played to be fully enjoyed!

Kid Rock: Rock 'N' Roll Jesus (Lava/Atlantic) Love him or leave him, invite him to your awards show and watch him punch someone out, Detroit's own Kid Rock is a colorful character that you can't help rooting for! Rock? Rap? Country? Other? No problem! Predictions are the Kid will either soar to renewed superstardom or plummet into the depths of hell purely for

It's a stunning battle of the old vs. new! In this corner we have today's hottest hitmakers--the exciting Souljaboy and Trey Songz, dictionaries in hand--and in this corner, cultural icons Bruce Springsteen, Bob Dylan, John Fogerty, even Ike & Tina Turner! All of them have new releases this week, battling for top sales at the cash registers, but only one generation can win!

Will it be today's best and brightest? Or will it be yesterday's superstars, back yet again for another grab at the brass ring?

Or will it be all of us, enriched by this golden opportunity to hear some of the finest music ever made?

Let's find out!

Soulja Boy: Souljaboytellum.Com (ColliPark Music/Interscope) The mastermind behind the charming summer opus "Crank That (Soulja Boy)"--not to be confused with "Crank That (Sheryl Crow)"--makes an especially strong, slightly surrealistic debut here, most notably with "Let Me Get 'Em." The track begins with a spoken admonition that it's "a dance, not intended to incite any