You know how writers like me tend to lapse into hyperbole, and use that hackneyed old phrase "Best ______ Ever"? Well, believe it this time. This ain't hyperbole here. Thursday's "American Idol" top 11 results show was in fact The. Most. Dramatic. Ever.
EVER!
The show started out innocently enough, with a Motown-soundtracked birthday celebration for 63-years-young judge Steven Tyler (who doesn't look a day over fabulous), complete with a cake the size of J.Lo's dressing room and a surprise "Happy Birthday" serenade by Motown legend Stevie Wonder. Good times, good times. But I couldn't quite enjoy the spectacle, because at the back of my mind was Ryan Seacrest's ominous announcement from the top of the show: "Tonight's result might shock you." And with this being one of the highest-staked elimination episodes of the season--the one that determined which contestants get to go on the Idols Live Tour this summer--that didn't sound like cause for celebration at all. What a party pooper

