Hey, readers! Hear that? That faint whoosh in the background? That's the sound of the entire "American Idol" soundstage unhinging from its foundation, being hoisted high into the air, and jumping over a proverbial shark. Because on Thursday's all-important results show (the episode that determined this season's top 12), my personal favorite male and female contestants both went home. And with them went all my hopes of "Idol" rebounding this season after a shaky start. With the goosebumpily gravel-voiced Alex Lambert and the adorably indie Lilly Scott inexplicably and tragically out of the running, this show is going to get so shark-jumpingly bad that it might as well be filmed on location at Marineland from now on.

Look, I've always asserted, from the point of view of a real music fan, that "American Idol" got better--and more credible--in Season 7, when contestants were finally allowed to play instruments. That development opened the competition to a whole new type of performer:

It's fitting that Jason Castro performed at Monday night's televised wedding of "The Bachelor" couple Jason and Molly--the first actual marriage in "Bachelor" history--since both Jasons are examples of reality stars getting second chances. For instance, Jason Mesnick got another shot with Molly after inititally picking another bachelorette, Melissa Rycroft. And Jason Castro finally got a major-label record deal nearly two years after stalling at fourth place on "American Idol," and he is finally releasing his full-length debut album this year.

Honestly, I'm still not so sure about Jason M. and Molly's future marital success. (I'm admittedly pretty skeptical about their union, considering how Jason M. so unceremoniously dumped Molly on national TV and then equally unceremoniously bailed on Melissa on that infamous "After The Final Rose" telecast when he had a controversial change of heart.) But as for Jason Castro's future success, I'm pretty optimistic. Castro, a newlywed

"Voodoo"--the sexxxy bonus track on international editions of Adam Lambert's For Your Entertainment album, co-written by the incomparable Australian electropop star Sam "Black & Gold" Sparro--is finally out after months of speculation and salivation. And it was worth the wait. "Voodoo" casts a seductive spell indeed.

Adam Lambert - "Voodoo"

It's a wonder why this so-hawt-out-the-box track was left off the U.S. release of Adam's album. In my opinion, it's one of Lambert's strongest songs...but then again, I felt the same way about "Down The Rabbit Hole," which was also perplexingly only an FYE bonus track.

Whatever the reason for the delay, electronic music does have a much larger audience overseas than in the States, so I believe sexed-up synth songs like "Voodoo" will do very well internationally. (Seriously, Adam needs to book his flight to Europe now, so he can headline the 2010 Love Parade.) I'm already imagining club kids, dripping in glitter and sweat and hormones and green

After a surprising first elimination round that saw the departure of a couple of early favorites (flaxen-tressed songbird Janell Wheeler and terrycloth-swathed retro-rocker Tyler Grady), "American Idol" fans were once again reminded last week that on this topsy-turvy show, no contestant is ever safe, and absolutely anything can happen. Sure, last week's eliminations weren't exactly Chris Daughtry/Michael Johns-level shockers, but they still threw viewers for a loop, and many grumpy pundits (myself included) griped that America had gotten it wrong.

So, did America get it right this week? For the most part, yes. But the night still ended in tears.  

Thursday's hour-long results show kicked off, ironically, with a group sing-along of the Black Eyed Peas' "I've Got a Feeling." I say "ironically" because the chorus, "I've got a feeling that tonight's gonna be a good, good night," would soon prove completely untrue for four of these contestants, who'd ultimately be sent home on what would