Before you read on, watch this Rock Of Ages performance from tonight's Tony Awards. You'll be oh-so-glad you did:
OK, now. A few years ago, I was cordially and rockin'-ly invited to a preview performance of Rock Of Ages, a nostalgic rock opera featuring music from the big '80s era of big hair and big riffs. Man, I couldn't RSVP "yes" fast enough. C'mon, a Broadway musical featuring the classic headbanging hitz of Poison, Ratt, and Whitesnake? Dood, what was not to like?
Well, actually, there was a LOT not to like. Rock Of Ages just did not, well, ROCK. I dunno, I thought that seeing a chorus line of spandex-sheathed, haystack-haired Sunset Strip metal groupies high-kicking their way through Night Ranger's "Sister Christian" would make for a totally awesome night of theater. But I was wrong. So very, very wrong. Somehow, something was just missing...
...and hey, you know what Rock Of Ages was missing, specifically? CONSTANTINE MAROULIS!!
Yes, the American Idol also-ran (who long before
