After last night, I'm sort of beginning to doubt that America's got much talent at all. Tuesday's America's Got Talent season premiere was an even trainwreckier-than-usual trainwreck, a Gong Show-like cavalcade of butterfingered fire-dancers accidentally setting themselves ablaze; powerdrill-wielding, self-mutilating nutjobs almost literally cutting off their noses to spite their faces; tantric couples creeping out the live studio audience with their amateur Cirque du Soleil routines; and even zoo-animal imitations.

Yes, there were a couple of standouts, specifically the endearing family acts Voices Of Glory and the EriAm Sisters. But for sheer entertainment value, the hands-down winner for me last night was this David Hasselhoff-loving/stalking troubadour:

Remember how in season 6 of American Idol, Chris Sligh said his goal was to "make David Hasselhoff cry"? Well, this guy David Johnson one-upped that: He made the Hoff laugh--and feel a little uncomfortable, too. For that feat,

There are times when I've actually felt a little bad for Kris Allen. Yes, I know that sounds weird: How could anyone feel sorry for the guy who won on the biggest show on TV? But Kris spent the entire eighth American Idol season being labeled the "dark horse" and having to prove himself to Simon Cowell over and over again. And although he was ultimately (and some would say unexpectedly) the winner of this year's Idol, snagging the majority of the finale's whopping 100 million votes, most of the media attention--from Rolling Stone cover stories to 20/20 interviews to (YES, I freely admit it) this very blog--has still focused on the "frontrunner" that Kris beat out, second-placer Adam Lambert.

Despite Kris's constant humility on Idol, whether auditioning (when he declared, "There's probably better singers than me"), winning (when he reacted, unscriptedly, with "Adam deserves this"), or dealing with post-finale Glambertmania, I've always wondered...doesn't he secretly resent this? Doesn't

Although he's too humble to admit it, I sincerely believe that David Cook's victory last year on American Idol paved the way for Idol season 8. While other rock Idols, most notably Chris Daughtry, had achieved success before David, no rocker had ever won on the show, and Idol seemed very much the domain of mostly pop and R&B singers. But David changed all that, opening up the show to a whole new fanbase.

Want proof of this? Well, just look at how this past season panned out. The top four was decidedly non-pop this year, featuring two full-on rockers (Adam Lambert and Allison Iraheta) and a mellow soft-rocker, Kris Allen, who won the whole competition over more obvious pop/R&B types. I honestly believe David Cook helped make this possible.

Of course, David, probably one of the nicest guys on the planet, is too modest to consider himself any sort of "pioneer." But still, I tried to get him to take a little credit when--a full year after his glass-ceiling-shattering Idol triumph, during

I can already tell this season of So You Think You Can Dance is going to be rough on me. The caliber of talent is so high this season that no matter who goes home, in any given week, I'm going to be bummed. Tonight SYTYCD fans lost two more great dancers, but I suppose, in my opinion at least, it could have been worse.

Of the bottom three couples tonight, one of them was not a surprise to me: Jason and Caitlin. Their hip-hop routine last night was a disappointment: They seemed lost, out of sync, inauthentic, and lacking in confidence overall. They're obviously both fabulous dancers, but last night they just didn't adapt to the hip-hop genre well at all.

Oddly, also in the bottom tonight were Kupono and Ashley, the other couple that danced a Shane Sparks-choreographed routine this week. Apparently Shane's return to the show (after being on America's Best Dance Crew) was a somewhat anti-climactic comeback. While Kupono and Ashley's routine last night was a letdown after their stunning