Reality Rocks

  • **PLEASE EXCUSE MY POTENTIALLY OFFFENSIVE HEADLINE, I JUST CAN'T RESIST A GOOD PUN**

    Seems like all sorts of reality stars (like Newlywed Jessica Simpson) are going country these days. There's even a CMT reality show called Gone Country set up expressly for that purpose, with fallen American Idol alums like Diana Degarmo, Justin Guarini, and Mikalah Gordon desperately giving Nashville a go.

    The latest Idol to go country--not on a reality show, but on his new self-released single--is none other than season 5 AmIdol winner Taylor Hicks. But I think HE might actually have a decent shot at this. I kind of always thought the Idol producers should have pushed Taylor down a country path from the get-go, really.

    First of all, Taylor is from the South and once spent time stationed in Nashville trying to get his pre-Idol career off the ground, so country music wouldn't have been an unnatural fit for him (unlike, say, Justin Guarini's Gone Country 3 attempt).

    Second, I always figured Taylor's

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  • Man, what did the poor people of Mexico, and of North America in general, do to deserve this horrific blackout plague?

    No, I don't mean the Swine Flu. That's old news. I'm talking about something much more viral (pun intended) and seemingly more unstoppable: The Speidi Flu.

    Scarily, the Speidi pandemic has elevated to new threat levels this week. Only days after Spencer Pratt debuted his first "hip-hop" single on Ryan Seacrest's morning show, his wife--now billing herself as Heidi Pratt--has released another music video, "Blackout." Apparently the viral video was lensed by Spencer (the very same Scorcese-esque directorial genius behind Heidi's infamous camcorder "Higher" vid) while they were recently honeymooning in Cabo San Lucas.

    Yes, the newlyweds and Hills/I'm A Celebrity co-"stars" actually risked Swine Flu infection in order to carry on with their honeymoon last month as planned. And unfortunately, they didn't let the threat of contagious, piggish disease stop them from

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  • Tonight on a very special American Idol, the judges got to pick a song for each of the final three, which--if you believe in Idol conspiracy theories, which I admittedly sometimes do--meant the judges could really fix this competition by cruelly foisting truly mismatched tunes upon the hapless contestants. (Remember, bad song selection felled many an Idol contender this season, from Kasey Carlson's "Every Little Thing She Does Is Tragic" Police travesty to Megan Corkrey's snoozy "Turn Your Volume Down Low" Bob Marley cover.

    The final three's fate rested squarely in the judges' grubby little hands.

    Well, judging by the song Paula Abdul picked for Danny Gokey tonight, she must dislike him as much as I do. Why else would she force him to perform Terence Trent D'Arby's "Dance Little Sister," when Danny himself has frequently pointed out that he CAN NOT DANCE? A funky number like this needed some of the James Brownish fancy footwork that Terence used to so expertly execute back in the

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  • When I first laid eyes on the latest buzzy Britain's Got Talent sensation, 24-year-old Welsh waiter Greg Pritchard, I sort of assumed he was the across-the-pond equivalent of Adam Lambert.

    Greg definitely had the Lambert Look I wanted to know better: copiously product-placed hairdo, expertly applied guyliner, H&M black pleather, ambiguously androgynous rocker-boy image, and obvious natural charisma. I only hoped that he'd also have Adam's incredible vocal range.

    Well, the bloke had range, all right:

    Blimey. This "male soprano" was a whole lot prettier than Susan Boyle (no "makeover" necessary here)...AND his voice was about, um, 18 octaves shriller! He in fact possessed a higher-pitched tone than even Britain's Got Talent's pre-pubescent singing ballerina, Hollie Steel.

    While the Britain's Got Talent TV drama has always been completely and rather formulaically based on fakeouts (i.e., the judges and audience assuming a contestant won't be able to sing a note, then being proven

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  • I don't know if I've ever read Entertainment Weekly outside of a dentist's office. But last night when I was at 7-11, I saw the latest EW issue and could not resist setting down my Slurpee, pulling out my wallet, and ponying up the $3.95 for my own soon-to-be-laminated-for-posterity copy. Something about the capslocked headline "LOVING ADAM LAMBERT" and subheader "The Most Exciting American Idol In History," glossily glinting under the glare of the mini-mart's fluorescent lighting, just caught my eye.

    If I'm not mistaken, this is unprecedented: Never before in American Idol history has a contestant landed a SOLO cover on a major mainstream magazine before winning. Or not winning, since we still don't know for sure what will happen with Adam this Idol season. But this new four-page EW spread makes me think it doesn't even matter if Adam wins American Idol, really. Because this PR coup reminds me of the famous and buzzy Clay Aiken Rolling Stone cover story of 2003...

    Clay had just lost

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  • I actually feel terrible that I did not report on this sooner. I was so caught up in far more frivolous reality matters-- Ray J rumors, Lil' Kim being labeled a "tramp," Allison Iraheta going home, Paula Abdul lip-synching, etc.--that I failed to blog about the cancer-related death of David Cook's eldest brother, Adam.

    Adam passed away last Saturday, May 2. He was only 37 years old.

    Adam's decade-long brain-cancer battle actually first came to public attention while David was still competing on season 7 of American Idol. In one of Idol's most all-time touching moments (right up there with elderly singer Sherman Pore's "You Belong To Me" audition in season 6), last year the show's producers spent $45,000 flying Adam on a chartered medical jet from Terre Haute, Indiana to a Los Angeles Idol taping. There, Adam sat in the front row next to Teri Hatcher and watched his little brother star-makingly sing Mariah Carey's "Always Be My Baby." David was understandably in tears that night, as was

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  • Last night on American Idol, Simon Cowell predicted that Allison Iraheta's smokin' "Slow Ride" duet with Adam Lambert would save her in this competition. Usually, Simon is right. But sadly, this time he got it wrong.

    Yes, Allison was axed tonight, ironically during Rock 'N' Roll Week, which should have been her strongest week yet. Since I'm an Allison fan who until this evening was still dreaming of an Adam/Allison finale in just two weeks' time, this news, of course, did not rock my world.

    Tonight's Rock 'N' Roll results show actually kicked off quite rockingly, with perhaps the only group singalong number that I didn't find unbearably cruise-shippy this entire season, because a) it featured Slash!!!!; b) it featured an Alice Cooper song!!!!; and c) it offered some more Adam-on-Allison duet action!!!! (in the G-rated sense, of course).

    But then, when my predicted eliminated contestant, Kris Allen, was the first to be sent to safety by Ryan Seacrest (the look on his face indicated

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  • Tonight, Paula Abdul graced the American Idol stage for the first time ever in the show's eight-season history, performing her new single, "Here For The Music." Yes, in an unprecedented act of judge's bravery, she placed herself squarely in the same squirmy spot where all Idol contestants have opened themselves up for cold-hearted criticism from all the judges, including Paula herself.

    Well, tonight after Paula's performance there was no critique, of course...and she was probably relieved that there wasn't. Because gawd knows what Simon Cowell would've said about Paula's performance if he'd been allowed to let it rip.

    OK, OK, I will concede that Paula looked great. And she definitely danced well. And all right, the song actually wasn't all that bad, sort of like an outtake from Britney Spears' Circus. And yes, Paula even sounded good.

    But it's pretty easy for a performer to sound good when she's LIP-SYNCHING.

    And the kicker is...Paula wasn't even lipping well. She was so off, in fact,

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  • Well, only a week after Ray J and Cocktail declared their undying lust on the For The Love Of Ray J reunion special, the blogosphere is buzzing with rumors that Ray J and Cocktail are already on the rocks and Ray J has upgraded to something a little stronger: Tequila.

    Tila Tequila, that is.

    These rumors, of course, were started by the fame-whoring A Shot At Love reality starlet herself, when she announced yesterday on her MySpace page that she and Ray J are an official item. Tila blogged:

    "My baby is Ray J ... and no man has made me feel so loved and so happy in such a long time. We really do love each other and I am so happy to have FINALLY met someone who treats me with respect and love. He is so sweet to me and makes me melt every time I see him. I love my baby ... so there you have it! Tila Tequila is officially dating Ray J!!! I think we make the cutest couple ... don't you?????"

    Tila also posted the "sexy" lip-synching video below, titled "I MADE THIS SPECIAL VIDEO FOR MY BABY!

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  • Queen Mafiosa rapper Lil' Kim, with song titles like "How Many Licks?" and album titles like Hard Core, has always flaunted a seductive image. The Notorious K.I.M. just oozes straight-up, streetwise sexiness. The girl can't help it; it's just who she is, like it or not.

    Of course, I assume many male Dancing With The Stars viewers this season like it...a LOT.

    I mean, this here's a woman who probably looked like a flaming hottie when she was wearing a flaming-orange prison jumpsuit during her one year and one day of incarceration. So it was inevitable that she was going to look off-the-charts, over-the-top sexy once her famously curvy physique was barely covered up by the dental-floss-flimsy costumes that the lovely ladies of DWTS tend to wear onstage.

    Of course, sexiness in a dance competition is hardly a bad thing. Viewers of guilty-pleasure flicks like Dirty Dancing and Lambada: The Forbidden Dance (or of the guilty-pleasure TV show Dancing With The Stars, for that matter) will

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Pagination

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