I've had my issues with Steven Tyler on "American Idol"--namely, ongoing doubts as to whether he's just there to offer comic relief and showcase his impressive scarf collection, or if he really is capable of giving good advice. But there's one thing we can all agree on: Steven Tyler gives good soundbyte. Commenting on a contestant's big lips and Tevas sandals, or clucking like a chicken, may not all be that constructive, but it's always funny.
Steven has admittedly lost a lot of momentum as the season's gone on, with him relying on his go-to adjective, "beautiful," way too much. Most of his best catchphrases really came from the edited, and possibly scripted, early audition episodes. But he still comes up with a zinger or two, now and then. So what were his best one-liners of the season? Here are my picks...
20) "Beautiful. Just beautiful." -- said during EVERY SINGLE LIVE SHOW CRITIQUE
19) "Where is your pitchfork, you little devil?" -- said at the Austin auditions to one of the many attractive female contestants Steven inappropriately flirted with
18) "I've never heard anybody squeeze that song, but you squeezed it so slow it sounded like Vanilla Fudge singing 'Eleanor Rigby.'" -- said to Barack Obama impersonator Albert Rogers
17) "You don't look a day over fabulous." - said to 20-year-old Haley Reinhart during Motown Week
16) "You're a rainbow of talent." - said to the colorful Casey Abrams on top 13 night
15) "You gilded the lily of your own passion." -- said to Stefano Langone during the top 24 week.
14) "You ought to be arrested for that voice. Do you have handcuffs?" -- said to a sexy female singer in a "hot cop" Halloween costume
13) "Just the right amount [of leg] showing, that's nice." -- said to 16-year-old, skirt-wearing innocent Victoria Huggins
12) "Did you eat a lot of paint chips as a child?" -- said Taylor Hicks-dancing reject Michael Perotto at the New Jersey auditions
11) "I might be colorblind, but unless you borrowed my lipstick, is that your real lips?" -- asked of student teacher/makeout king Scott Dangerfield, who entered the audition room with a fellow female hopeful's lipgloss still smeared on his mouth
10) "Now, what have you got in your hair? Baby oil, I used to use that. I just use [clucks like a chicken]. That's the name of it, it says it right on the bottle." -- said to one confused New Orleans auditioner
9) "Well, you look like you could be one of my...nope, not gonna say it. Friends. [You look like you could be] one of my friends." -- said to brunette auditioner/admirer/possible groupie Alyson Jados
8) "Let me sum it up by saying, that was not baaaad...a little lamb-y." -- said to bleating, possibly crazy L.A. reject Victoria Garrett
7) "Dude, you made Gaga's ya-ya go la la!" -- said to a probably very frightened Scotty McCreery after his Lady Gaga-mentored "Young Blood" performance
6) "What's with the jujubes on your ooh-ooh-bes?" -- said to brassy auditioner Tiffany Rios, who showed up in a star-spangled bra top
5) "After Monday and a Tuesday, even a week says WTF!" -- said on the top 12 girls night, which took place on a Wednesday
4) "We have something in common; that's pretty much the whole '70s for me." -- said to an auditioner whose day job involves chemical trials for a pharmaceutical company
3) "Holy shipyard!" -- exclaimed during a critique of shipyard worker Jovany Barreto's top 24 performance
2) "Slap that baby on the a** and call me Christmas!" -- said to Scotty McCreery at his first audition; again, Scotty was probably scared
1) "Well, hellfire save matches, f*** a duck and see what hatches!" -- also said to Scotty McCreery at his first audition; then the poor kid was probably REALLY scared