Hey everyone! Summer's just around the corner, you know. Looking for a vacation the whole family can enjoy? Well, you'll have a gay old time on Rosie O'Donnell's family cruise...now officially featuring Lido Deck entertainment from the one-and-only Danny Noriega!
Yes, I know one of Simon Cowell's ultimate insults is to tell a finalist that he/she sounds like a "cruise ship singer." And I bet Simon thinks "gay cruise ship singer" is an even bigger putdown. But who cares? I personally can't think of a better way to spend my vacation days than sailing the high seas with Danny Noriega. Because it doesn't matter if you're gay, straight, black, white, plaid, whatevah--Danny supplies more escapist entertainment than any pulpy paperback beach read could ever provide.
And I can only imagine how much MORE entertaining he'd be if I was watching him while kicking back on a deck chair with a fouffy tropical umbrella drink in my hand.
I just hope Danny covers George Michael & Wham's "Club Tropicana" on Rosie's cruise. If he'd sang that on '80s Night instead of "Tainted Love," he might still be on American Idol now! Check out the original Wham video below to see just how cruise-tastically appropriate it is:
Don't know if Danny should wear a Speedo, though...
Anyway, while you're at itm check out this great meeting of the minds, when Sailor Danny met Captain Rosie herself:
Now you'll have to excuse me while I go call my travel agent...
- Simon Cowell