Heidi Montag's albumThis holiday shopping week brings a bounty of new recordings from reality stars, including "American Idol's" Chris Daughtry and James Durbin, "The Voice's" Javier Colon and Beverly McClellan, "America's Got Talent" crooner Landau Eugene Murphy Jr., and even a holiday duet single by "Idol's" Haley Reinhart and Casey Abrams. Across the pond, "X Factor U.K." boy band One Direction is also releasing a debut LP. All worthy additions to your record collection, surely. But since this is Thanksgiving week, this glut of reality record releases has me thinking about all the turkeys out there from other reality stars, the ones less famous for singing and more famous for, well, being famous. So, for kicks, here's my list of the worst reality "singers"--and I use that term loosely--of all time.
10) The Situation
To borrow an old phrase from "Jersey Shore's" network, MTV, yo, the Situation raps. Badly. The Sitch's eponymous debut single, no-brainingly titled "The Situation," surprisingly doesn't feature DJ Pauly D on the turntables, but it does boast some aggressively AutoTuned vocals from the abdominized reality himbo, and some beats from production pros Fatman Scoop, DJ Class, and the Disco Fries. This song might please the Karma crowd after a few Jager shots, but it probably won't inspire anyone else to fist-pump.
9) Tyra Banks
Tyra is apparently not the queen of ALL media. Yes, she may know how smize, tooch her booty, and get supermodels to shriek like Publisher's Clearing House winners on cue every time she merely walks into the room. But singing is not one of Tyra's talents. After this "Top Model" Season 2 mess of a video, which starred a bunch of arrhythmic contestants, Tyra should have immediately returned to her loft, packed her belongings, and gone home.
8) Laurieann Gibson
Laurieann has been entertaining as a judge/mentor on reality shows like "Diddy's Starmaker," "Born To Dance," "The Dance Life," and "So You Think You Can Dance." But the woman really ought to stick to dancing. I wouldn't even be surprised if this song was real reason Laurieann recently parted ways with her longtime client Lady Gaga. It's that bad.
7) Daisy De La Hoya
Daisy has been unlucky in love, placing second on Bret Michaels' "Rock Of Love" and failing to find lasting romance with her chosen bad-boy bachelor, London, on her spin-off VH1 dating show, "Daisy Of Love." She hasn't fared much better with her musical career, but it's not hard to figure out why. She sounds pretty messed up, indeed.
6) Countess Luann
Money can't buy you class. And, as this AutoTuned Real Housewife proves here, it can't buy you a decent music video or song, either.
5) Tila Tequila
This former "A Shot Of Love" MTV star made her musical debut with the NSFW "Stripper Friends." Hey, at least she knew her audience. But now she's covering Yoko Ono. The result is as awful as you'd imagine. And I can't figure out which is worse: Tila's singing, or the terrible "acting" in the accompanying soap-operatic video.
4) Angelina Pivarnick
Arguably "Jersey Shore's" least-liked cast member, the Situation's ex-roommate Angelina is giving music a try as well. Her first single is creatively (and some would say incorrectly) titled "I'm Hot"--but I'm sorry, if not surprised, to say that the song is most definitely NOT hot. Seriously, this track makes "The Situation" sound like something by Radiohead. Not even a tanked-up Single Ronnie would get down to this not-hot mess.
3) Heidi Montag
It was only a matter of time before Heidi Montag moved on from "The Hills," but when she attempted to launch a pop music career a few years ago with "Higher," with a camcorder video lensed by her TV boyfriend, amateur director Spencer Pratt, the backlash was so swift and vicious, she was snapped by paparazzi crying in the streets over the public reaction. Her album, the fittingly titled Superficial, went on to sell less than 1,000 copies total. It's no wonder Heidi had all that plastic surgery to make her look practically unrecognizable. I'd want to go into the Witness Protection Program myself, if I'd released an embarrassing song like "Higher."
2) Kim Kardashian
No, Kim's first (and hopefully only) single is not a cover of Sir Mix-A-Lot's "Baby Got Back"...although that would have been awesome, of course. Certainly more awesome than "Jam (Turn It Up)." More like "Turn It Down," I say. This basically makes Paris Hilton's "Stars Are Blind" warbling sound like something by Janis Joplin, and could probably even make Heidi Montag cringe (if Heidi was actually facially capable of cringing, that is). The song was reportedly recorded with The-Dream, whose Love King was one of 2010's most critically lauded R&B albums and whose writing and production work for other artists includes Beyonce's "Single Ladies," Rihanna's "Umbrella," Mary J. Blige's "Just Fine," and Mariah Carey's "Touch My Body." But sadly, it seems like Kim just dragged The-Dream down to her nightmarish level. He really should have known better.
1) Spencer Pratt
But wait--there's a more egregious Speidi offender. Let me tell you, readers, the song by Heidi's on/off worse half makes "Higher" sound like the Beatles' "A Day In The Life." I mean, at least Heidi had the common sense and decency to NOT RAP...unlike MC Spencer here, who once psychotically told MTV News: "I've always known that I secretly am the hottest rapper in the game. But I didn't feel the urge until Asher Roth started hitting the airwaves and, no offense to Asher Roth--somebody with some real swagger needed to come into the game. So I'll challenge him. I'll challenge him to a freestyle or whatever. I'm the white Jay-Z in the game. I'm doing the baller thing. I'm more for the streets." Um. No. Just no.
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