Obviously a guy who loves to toy with people's delicate emotions, judging from his mean-spirited fakeout with Michael last week, tonight Ryan broke out his old divide-and-conquer routine. Remember that time in season 3, that infamous night when he split the finalists into safe and unsafe groups, and shockingly the bottom-three group consisted of Fantasia, LaToya London, and Jennifer Hudson?
Sure, it made for some nail-bitingly suspenseful TV. But at this point in the season, I ain't got no fingernails left! (Ryan, you owe me a 19 Management-expensed manicure. Or at least a free bottle of that nail varnish made especially for Mariah Carey by the Lippman company, Satin Doll. It's only right.)
And then yucky old Carly Smithson joined Jason in Group 1. And since I'd predicted Carly would be in the bottom this week, I began to fear for Jason in a big way. Meanwhile, Kristy Lee Cook, who I'd predicted would be safe this week, joined apparent frontrunner David Cook in Group 2.
Of course, there were some welcome distractions from all this tension. A Ford promo depicting the contestants as marionettes while singing Queen's "I Want To Break Free" was amusing (and appropriate...because let's face it, anyone signed to Clive Davis's label must know what it's like to be turned into a puppet). Guest performer/mentor Mariah Carey came out in a little black dress and out-diva'd everyone on the Idol set (yes, even Simon Cowell).HERE to post your condolences to Elliott, by the way.)
Meanwhile, the obviously prescripted, prescreened viewer Q&A was just another lame stall tactic...although I admit I was happy to hear David Cook's answer to the question on every female viewers' lips, "Are you single?" ("YES!")
OK, so then Ryan did another fakeout and told David C. to swap places with Syesha. Psych! Um, so what did that MEAN, exactly? Group 1 now consisted of David C., Jason, and Carly. It was hard to imagine that the first two were in jeopardy, but as I mentioned earlier, Carly was the one I'd predicted would get axed this week...so now I was more confused than ever.
David A. seem confused, too, when Ryan pulled that stupid trick he pulled on George Huff and tried to make David A. guess which group was the safe one to which he belonged. David refused to choose, and sat his tender teenaged bottom smack down on the cold, hard stage floor instead.
Anyway, then Syesha scraped her way back to safety, leaving the two blonde bombshells at the bottom. And then Brooke got a reprieve...meaning, as Simon put it, Kristy's time was up. Finally.
Let's hope she can still buy her horse back...
- Ryan Seacrest
- David Cook