Yes, people, I am officially obsessed with a new reality series called "Married To Rock."
"Married To Rock" follows the glittery and gawdy lives of the above-mentioned rock legends' significant others, who with their peroxide-blonde extensions, copper-colored spray tans, and various surgical enhancements are only distinguishable from typical central-casting "Rock Of Love" contestants by the diamonds on their ring fingers. In fact, I imagine this series is how that "Bret Michaels: Life As I Know It" family show might have turned out if Bret had actually settled down with Heather from "Rock Of Love" Season 1.
The two most made-for-TV rock wives of the "Married To Rock" pack are Etty Farrell, Perry's ex-dancer wife and occasional Satellite Party bandmate, who spends much of this show's premiere episode fending off the drunken advances of a friend who blithely assumes she and Perry are swingers; and Josie Stevens, Steve's silicone-stuffed bride whom he met at L.A.'s adult toy store the Pleasure Chest, and who sort of looks like what might result if Lady Gaga and JWoww not-so-immaculately conceived a baby in the middle of a Sanrio store. (Actually, Josie just kind of looks like Bret Michaels' Season 2 reality castoff, Daisy De La Hoya). Josie spends most of the first "Married To Rock" episode attempting to distract Steve from on-the-road groupies with a series of X-rated iChats.
The show is utterly fascinating, like a rock 'n' roll edition of the "Real Housewives" franchise. So thank you, E!, thank you, for the Sunday-night guilty-Pleasure (Chest) television.
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- Perry Farrell
- Steve Stevens
- Billy Duffy