Okay, dear readers, please excuse any typos in the following blog entry. I am to be excused, since my brain is so boggled after getting to visit the 19 Entertainment offices and privately preview three Adam Lambert songs from his upcoming superglamtastic and very aptly titled debut album, For Your Entertainment (out November 23). My black-fingernailed fingers are quivering in almost too palsy-stricken a manner to type, but at the same time I am too excited about the audio glitterbombs that have been blasted directly into my unsuspecting ear canals to wait until I'm fully coherent to share my giddy thoughts. I'd be waiting a good long while, really.
Yes, the music was THAT good, people. It was EXACTLY the extraterrestrial electro-opus I hoped and dreamed it would be. You know how the Glamerican Idol recently told Entertainment Weekly that his album would sound "as if a '70s time-capsule blasted off into space and you're watching it through a holographic filter"? Well, yeah, that sums it up pretty awesomely; I honestly don't know if I can actually top such brilliant wordage. Perhaps Adam should just have my job...if he weren't so busy reinventing the pop wheel, being fabulous, making plans for world domination, daring to dance in the path of greatness, etc.
Now, I know some fans (including myself, to some degree) were thrown a curveball by "Time For Miracles," Adam's classic-rock-leaning, Aerosmithian 2012 power-ballad that didn't seem all that spacey or holographic, to be honest. Certainly that song especially appealed to Adam fans partial to his Idol performances of hoary perennials like Zep's "Whole Lotta Love," U2's "One," Aerosmith's "Cryin'," and Steppenwolf's "Born To Be Wild," but it was hardly the "rock-pop-electronic-dance thing" Adam once titillatingly promised.
However, Adam Lambert is a complex man with a multiple musical personality, and so I can tell you all, based on the three tracks I heard, For Your Entertainment sounds NOTHING, and I mean NOTHING, like "Time For Miracles." These freaky-deaky songs, in all their wondrously neon-lit, mirror-balled, future-shocked, robot-rockin' glory, almost don't even sound like they were recorded by the same artist, the same human being...except for the fact that that voice is unmistakable, of course.
The time for miracles really has arrived now, in the fierce form of these sneak-previewed tracks:
"Entertainment" - The default title track and statement of intent, masterminded by Dr. Luke (Katy Perry) and Claude Kelly (Britney Spears, Kelly Clarkson), Adam opens this one up, Rocky Horror-meets-Robbie Williams-style, with the audacious declaration: "I'm here for your entertainment!" And he ain't kidding. This is an ultra-caffeinated party-starter (imagine if Mika, Sam Sparro, and Kevin Rudolf had a threesome that resulted in the conception of a glittery alien baby...if you dare), and it's just begging to be remixed by everyone from Calvin Harris to the Neptunes to Justice--even though it sounds like a shiz-hawt remix already, as is.
"Winners" - A slinky, sexy, salacious dance-rock grinder with a keening, near-orgasmic vocal reminiscent of Adam's watershed "Ring Of Fire" performance, this Rob Cavallo-produced cut cracks open in the middle like a giant whitechocolatespaceegg to reveal a colossal, fist-pumping, Gary-Glittery chantalong chorus that seems lifted straight out of "We Will Rock You 2: Electric Boogaloo." So my guess is Queen's Brian May will be impressed by this massive masterwork, too. A winner, indeed.
"Music Again" - Okay, this is the song, also produced by Rob Cavallo, largely responsible for my current lack of coherence or composure. The minute this glammy tour de force forced its way out of the 19 Entertainment office's speakers, it was so white-hot I was instantly reduced to a puddle of melted spandex and runny eyeliner. A falsetto gang chorus like something off a lost Sweet outtakes album, squalling guitar riffs, pumping "Funkytown" beats...my head was pretty much exploding at this point, but I managed to hold my cranium together long enough to turn to a nearby 19 employee and jokingly state, "This sounds like the Darkness, if the Darkness were remixed." To which the employee answered, "That's funny you say that, because this song was actually written by [legendarily unitarded Darkness frontman] Justin Hawkins, and that's Justin on guitar."
Please read that above sentence again closely, people, and allow the full weight of its awesomeness to sink in. Adam Lambert + Justin Hawkins. ADAM LAMBERT + JUSTIN HAWKINS! Best. Collabo. Ever. Two of the most righteously rockin' and elastically vocal-corded rock gawds of the past 10 years, two of this decade's lone keepers of the glam-rock flame, together at last. As a diehard Darkness fan, I still believe in a thing called love...and I loved this song so much that at this point in the listening session, what was left of my poor throbbing head exploded, and shards of my caved-in skull went flying in all directions across the 19 office like the debris from a busted piñata. I apologize to the 19 office's evening cleaning crew in advance. But hey, I could not help it. Let me state this again, just to be clear: Adam Lambert + Justin Hawkins. Such a skull-shatteringly awesome duet even deserves a new name-smash: Hawkbert. Or maybe Lamkins. Yesssssss.
Wham, bam, thank you Madam, for the glam. I can't wait to hear (and write about) more, if my head can take it...