Oh my. TMZ has just uncovered archival video footage of Simon Cowell's first television appearance, as "Wonderdog" on the U.K. music program Top Of The Pops. And if I'm being honest, it is dreadful.
Apparently, back in 1982, a German artist named Harry Thumann produced a song called "Ruff Mix" that sampled dog-barks, much like other animal-sounds classics by, say, the Jingle Cats. Young music producer Simon acquired the rights to the novelty song, released it under the artist name "Wonderdog," and to promote this project even went on British TV dressed in a furry canine costume.
This was the result...by a man who later became one of the highest-paid men in the music business:
Ooh, that's ruff.
Now, obviously this was not an attempt at a serious singing career, and although Simon's actual mouth is not visible in the clip above, I'd venture to guess his lip-synching skills were no worse than Paula Abdul's back in the day. But he's going to have a VERY hard time living this one down, considering how many times he's criticized contestants' clothing (because dog suits are not exactly flattering), song choices (because "Ruff Mix" is way worse than "Dream On"), or "amusement park"-style performances (because Wonderdog would be right at home at a county fair).
So I suggest from now on, every time Simon is exceptionally insulting to an American Idol contestant, the target of his wrath start barking the Wonderdog song back at him. Because that would be even more awesome than Megan Joy's "Rockin' Robin" birdcall.
I also suggest Randy Jackson stop using the word "dawg," immediately.
Hear the full Wonderdog work of genius below:
- Simon Cowell