Tuesday was a sad results show night on "Dancing With The Stars." My favorite contestant of the season, Margaret Cho, faced off in the bottom two with her polar-opposite opponent, Bristol Palin, and of course she lost. I was disappointed to see Cho go. Then ousted contestant Michael Bolton returned to the "DWTS" stage to fill in for canceled performer Susan Boyle (who had a sore throat)...and instead of belting out a rumored revenge song for nasty judge Bruno Tonioli, who was so cruel to The Bolt last week ("We're Not Gonna Take It" by Twisted Sister or Cee-Lo's "F**k You" would have been good song selections), he sang the most oversung song in the history of recorded songs, "Hallelujah." (A song even Leonard Cohen doesn't want to hear covered anymore.) This was beyond cringe-worthy; it made Michael's panned "Hound Dog" jive look like something by Baryshnikov or Astaire. And it made me wish "DWTS" producers had asked Lou Reed to replace SuBo instead.
But there was one highlight on Tuesday: when Bristol's pro partner Mark Ballas performed a guitar/violin duel with Val Chmerkovskiy, the younger brother of "DWTS" dancer Maksim Chmerkovskiy, on a totally bizarre, and bizarrely entertaining, rendition of Britney Spears's "Toxic." Yes, we'd all seen Mark play guitar before, with "DWTS" regular Derek Hough in the Ballas Hough Band, but we'd never seen him quite like this.
"DWTS" should rename itself "D-WTF" after this. But thank you, Mark and Val, for salvaging what was otherwise a boring, bummer episode.