Well, Victoria Beckham's new reality show, the (perhaps unintientionally) Eddie Murphy/Neil Diamond-referencing Coming To America, debuted last week. So why am I writing this blog now, you ask? Oh, just to let you all know about it, as it's safe to assume that most of you reading this never realized the show had ever even aired...or had re-aired due to "popular" demand.
Yes, suffice it to say that both broadcasts of Coming To America failed to generate as much public excitement as David Beckham's first game for the L.A. Galaxy or, say, the Spice Girls' recent reunion announcement.
In fact, the program--which was initially intended to be a six-part miniseries but, much like the size-zero Posh herself, was slimmed down to a single episode--surprisingly lost the ratings battle in its timeslot to that perennial reality-TV favorite, Wife Swap.
Wow. So much for Girl Power, huh?
However, this Coming To America/Wife Swap showdown got me brainstorming. Yeah, yeah, I know...I should probably be using my brainpower for more important things, like curing cancer or bringing about world peace or even balancing my checkbook. But no--instead I use it for evil, and think up bitchen new reality spinoff shows!
So here goes...how about putting Victoria on Wife Swap? It'd give a whole meaning to the term "Trader Vic." (Sorry, I could not resist...)
Yes, I'm sure there are many, MANY wifeys out there in TV Land who'd be thrilled to trade places with Vicky and become Mrs. David Beckham for a week. Hell, I'd even get married myself, just so I'd be eligible to trade my normal old husband in for Becks. But actually, I'd like to see a very specific all-American wife step into Victoria's Manolos...
MARGARET!
Yes, you've already forgotten about Posh's show, but surely you all remember fire-and-brimstone-spewing religious zealot Margaret--the one whose bleating, plaintive wail of "SHE'S NOT A CHRISTIAN!" still has thousands of emotionally scarred Wife Swap viewers (myself included) waking up in a cold sweat.
Well, just imagine how Margaret would act if she had to play Mom to a trio of longhaired showbiz sons named Cruz, Brooklyn, and Romeo Beckham!
Really, if Victoria Beckham wants to see what the real America is like (and/or see what real big American TV ratings are like), she's not going to achieve that goal by having afternoon tea with Beverly Hills biddies. What she needs to do is settle in with a Bible-Belting Wife Swap family and spice up their lives. Seriously.
NBC execs, I hope you're reading this.