I guess we should put this under the heading of "Celebrity Synchronicity." Yesterday afternoon, after switching off the TV right after one of those "If I can do it, you can do it" Jenny Craig weight loss program ads featuring Valerie Bertinelli, I went online and was immediately hit with the scale- (I mean) earth-shattering news that Eddie Van Halen has just announced his engagement to longtime girlfriend Janie Liszewski. Seriously, what are the odds that these two veteran gossip page superstars would suddenly show up in the same entertainment news orbit after all this time?
Checking back in the archives, we discovered that Valerie officially took the breadstick baton from fellow recovering nosher Kirstie Alley on April 4, 2007--almost exactly a year-and-a-half to the day that it was divulged that ex-hubbie Eddie, while vacationing in Hawaii, got down on one knee and proposed to Liszewski at a Tiffany jewelry store. (Talk about one-stop shopping!)
Of course, we sincerely wish the 53-year-old Eddie (remember the good old days when he wanted to be called "Edward" so they'd take him more seriously as a musician--as if anyone standing next to David Lee Roth or, worse, Sammy Hagar, could ever hope to be taken completely seriously?) the best in his second marital go-round with Liszewski. And no, rumor mongers, she's not the educator/stripper from Van Halen's "Hot For Teacher" video.
Yes, it is true that that Van Halen did first meet Liszewski when she was doing publicity for an adult film called Sacred Sinn for which Edwar…make that Eddie composed a few songs. And yes, a glance at what seems to an old resume of hers at (this is good) http://www.janiesgotagun.com/ does reveal that the 38-year-old Liszewski has worked as a "Stuntwoman/Actress" with such credits as "Salsa Dancer" (Along Came Polly), "Blowtorch Dancer" (Bubble Boy) and the ever-coveted role of "Dancer/Vampire" (From Dusk Till Dawn). But she also worked as "Stunt Double Actress" for (this is even better) Jennifer Lopez on The Wedding Planner. So there.
As for 48-year-old Valerie, we're sure she wishes Eddie the best too, especially if their teenaged son Wolfgang continues to play bass in his dad's band--for which Liszewski is now apparently publicist/co-manager. Let's just hope she doesn't start doing astrological charts for everyone in the group, or else Valerie might have to get Spinal Tap's David St. Hubbins and Nigel Tufnel to stage an intervention. As they say in both rock & roll and weight loss: one day at a time.