We here at That's Really Week try to stay on the lighter side of the news, like whatever Pete Doherty's been up to, or Paris Hilton's plans for her much-un-awaited sophmore album. You know, fairly silly stuff. But sadly, this week's lead story is nothing to laugh about: Luciano Pavarotti has passed away at age 71 from pancreatic cancer. Nope, ain't no way we can make that story funny. It's just plain sad. Pav, as we like to affectionately call him, was one of the greatest tenors in operatic history, he sold 100 million albums during his decade-straddling career (take that, Garth Brooks!), and he was beloved by millions more. Pav, you shall be missed...
OK, moving on to happier stories, such as...dancing days are here again, because the three surviving members of Led Zeppelin are finally getting back together! Yep, hard rock fans still dazed and confused by recent news of the long-delayed Van Halen reunion have even more reason to celebrate, now that this even longer-delayed reunion is reportedly in the works. Incredibly, according to NME.com, frontman Robert Plant is in talks this week with fellow Led Zep legends Jimmy Page and John Paul Jones about a one-off Zeppelin gig that'll hopefully take place in London this November. Presumably late drummer John Bonham's son, Jason Bonham (last seen banging skins for celebreality band Damnocracy on VH1's Supergroup), will fill in behind the drumkit for the Zep trek; since Damnocracy mouthpiece Sebastian Bach is busy trying to launch a hip-hop career on MTV's Celebrity Rap Superstar (more on that HERE), we're guessing Damnocracy are on indefinite hiatus and Jason will therefore thankfully be free...
Unfortch, not everyone is in a reunited-and-it-feels-so-good kinda mood this week. No, there's little chance of reconciliation between Kevin Federline and Britney Spears, as K-Fed seems to be taking his ex-wife's new song, "Gimme More," to heart: Now that his $20,000 monthly alimony payments are about to run out, he's unsurprisingly hitting up his former missus for more moola ($50,000, to be exact), to cover his legal expenses stemming from their divorce battle. K-Fed's lawyer argues that Brit's average monthly income is a strangely specific $737,868, while his considerably less successful client has "no net income" whatsoever. Well, you can't argue with that math, can ya? Meanwhile, there's no greatest-love-of-all lost between that other famous divorced duo, Whitney Houston and Bobby Brown, as they continue a bitter custody fight over their 14-year-old daughter and long-suffering Being Bobby Brown co-star, Bobbi Kristina. Guess the both really do believe the children are their future, given the intensity of their dispute...
All right, that paragraph was a bit of a bummer, so it's time for more joyful news, like...whoopee, a Morrissey musical is on the way! Makes sense, since old Moz has always been a bit of a drama queen. Heh heh. And you know, there really is no more chorus-line-kicking, jazz-hands-waving music around than uplfiting Smiths/Morrissey numbers like "Heaven Knows I'm Miserable Now," "Last Night I Dreamt That Somebody Loved Me," "You Have Killed Me," "Life Is A Pigsty," and "Sorrow Will Come In The End." Gee, sounds like the feelgood Broadway revue of the year! We just hope that the casting of this Moz musical (or should we say "Mozical"?) is conducted via a TV talent show a la Grease: You're The One That I Want, because the idea of a bunch of emo-goth theater boys warbling "Hairdresser On Fire" and "You're The One For Me, Fatty" on live television sounds even more exciting to us than watching Sebastian Bach perform LL Cool J tunes on Celebrity Rap Superstar...
And finally, sorry to conclude this blog focusing on the same downer subject with which it began (namely, DEATH), but we simply must reveal the results of a truly astounding new scientific study: According to researchers at Liverpool John Moores University, whose report was just published in the Journal Of Epidemiology & Community Health, rock stars die younger than "normal" people. And apparently rampant alcohol and drug use has something to do with this phenomenon! Um, duh. Did Liverpool's taxpayers actually have to fund this groundbreaking research? Sheesh. We just hope the aforementioned Pete Doherty (who's in rehab right now, by the way) reads these revolutionary findings and takes heed...
All right, much like Britney & K-Fed, Whitney & Bobby, or Liverpudlians and their tax dollars, we must split. But do come back next Friday for more amusing, confusing, and downright excitement-oozing news. Until then, goodnight, and good music.
THIS WEEK'S TOP 10 STORIES:
1) Luciano Pavarotti Dies - The world-famous opera star was 71.
2) Been A Long Time Since They Rock 'N' Rolled - That rumored Led Zeppelin reunion is finally going to happen.
3) K-Fed Says "Gimme More" To Britney - With sales of Playing With Fire apparently finally drying up, the cash-strapped "rapper" demands an additional $50,000 from his ex.
4) Bobby Brown Takes Every Little Step Necessary In Court - His custody battle with Whitney rages on.
5) Spector's Spectacle - Closing arguments are made in the Phil Spector murder trial.
6) Since She's Been Gone - Kelly Clarkson's cancelled concert tour is back on track.
7) Klaxons Defeat Amy Winehouse For Britain's Mercury Prize - Check out the nu-ravers' award-worthy performance HERE.
8) Morrissey Goes Broadway - A Moz musical (or "Mozical") is reportedly in the works.
9) They Tried To Make Him Go To Rehab - And finally, Pete Doherty said yes, yes, yes.
10) Live Fast, Die Young - Scientists confirm that hard-partying rock stars die earlier than the rest of us. Are you reading this, Pete Doherty?