There's nothing like a holiday dedicated to the importance of pairing off like Noah's Ark livestock to make anyone who's been unceremoniously dumped feel like one big loser. But you don't need to spend this Valentine's Day under the covers, drunk-texting your ex and scarfing down a meal-for-one that consists of an economy-size bottle of Jack and a tub of Chunky Monkey. Instead, watch Yahoo! Music's picks for the 15 bitterest breakup videos of all time, and remember: Even pop stars like Justin Timberlake, Carrie Underwood, Beyonce, and (believe it or not) Weird Al have been rejected too, and they feel your pain.
15) Travis Tritt - "Here's A Quarter (Call Someone Who Cares)"
Attention, disgruntled divorced men with time on their hands: This wry country kissoff is included on a compilation called Divorce Songs For Him that makes for the perfect background music while crying in your beer about the evil woman who done you wrong. It actually would've made it higher on this list...if people still used pay phones these days, and if pay phones still only cost a quarter.
14) Rihanna - "Take A Bow"
Oh, if only Rihanna had recorded this BEFORE she and Chris Brown started dating. It could have saved her so much trouble.
13) Gotye - "Somebody That I Used To Know"
Here's the go-to breakup song of 2012. "You can get addicted to a certain kind of sadness," the rising troubadour sings bitterly. And this song is addictive indeed, even if listening to it feels like a somewhat masochistic act.
12) Weird Al Yankovic - "One More Minute"
Although Weird Al is best known for his parody tunes like "Eat It" and "Amish Paradise," he's also written some hilarious originals, like this doo-wop number, which has got to be the funniest breakup song in pop history. (His original ballad "You Don't Love Me Anymore" is also good for a post-breakup laugh.) Incidentally, in other romance-related Al news, the Weird one made one lucky woman his very own Mrs. Yankovic in 2001.
11) Adele - "Rolling In The Deep"
Hell hath no fury like an Adele scorned. The venom positively drips from her voice here, and her performance in the video is equally passionate. Much of her Grammy-winning album, 21, is about a very bad man who broke her heart. We have a feeling this song haunts that guy's dreams.
10) Lily Allen - "Smile"
The voice of a British generation, Lily has never been one to mince words, and she certainly put some jerk in his place here. He's probably still crying into his lager now.
9) Katy Perry - "Ur So Gay"
OK, so the title isn't very politically correct. But an opening lyric like "I hope you hang yourself with your H&M scarf" is priceless. Hallmark ought to put that on a new line of anti-Valentine cards.
8) Beyonce - "Ring The Alarm"
Yikes! No wonder Beyonce was a single lady for so long, with a temper like this--Jay-Z was probably afraid to put a ring on it! Oh, we kid, we kid. We're sure Beyonce is a very nice lady. But in this revenge video, she seems very scary.
7) Carrie Underwood - "Before He Cheats"
She sings softly, but she carries a big stick. Carrie may seem like an all-American golden girl, but as this video proves, she's got a dark side. Now that she's happily married, let's hope she never has a reason to bash in a car window again.
6) Kelly Clarkson - "Never Again"
Kelly's "Since U Been Gone" trafficked in similar achy-breaky fare, but that song was as sweet as a Barney singalong compared to this vicious diatribe. Come on, has there ever been a better opening line to a breakup song than "I hope the ring you gave to her turns her finger green"? That zinger is even better than the Katy one.
5) Ben Folds Five - "Song For The Dumped"
Ben certainly does not go for subtlety here. It should be noted, Ben has been married four times. We wonder which wife inspired this tune?
4) Alanis Morissette - "You Oughta Know"
The only thing that lessens the blow of this hard-hitting hate song? Um, knowing that Alanis wrote it about some (non-Stamos) guy who starred on "Full House." We didn't need to know that.
3) Eamon - "F**k It"
Before Cee Lo came out with his Grammy-sweeping swear-word tour de force, Eamon was the F-word king. His unexpected juxtaposing of the four-letter slur with sugary R&B harmonies still elicits a chuckle today...although his ex-girlfriend probably isn't laughing.
2) Cee Lo Green - "Forget You"
Cee Lo's took Eamon's message one step further with a song that was so good, even conservative Grammy voters, who'd normally be turned off by such excessive profanity, couldn't ignore it. The message is admittedly lessened a bit in the PG-rated version, "Forget You," but it's still one of the best breakup songs ever. Eff yeah!
1) Justin Timberlake - "Cry Me A River"
No ex-boyfriend ever got such sweet onscreen revenge on a woman as JT got on Britney Spears here. Casting a newsboy-capped Britney clone as his nemesis, then playing a stalker who breaks into her home to leave her a very clear anti-love message, Justin brought scary back in this compulsively watchable video. Clearly, revenge is dish best served by Timbaland.
Related links:
'80s new wave candy conversation hearts
52 comments