Between frustrating physical challenges, perturbed partners, getting lost, stubborn donkeys, and speed traps, "Amazing Race" competitors found plenty to whine, sigh, cry, scream, and complain about on Leg 7. Ironically, the team that bellyached the least -- even after they worked out that their demise was afoot and one of them got peed on by a goat -- was the one that got booted.
Still bouncing around Botswana -- which, according to Wynona "smells like a big ball of dung," -- the teams had to drive to Boro Village. Sounded easy enough, although Pam stepped in poop, Max and Katie couldn't find their way back to where they'd parked the car, and the YouTubers got extremely lost. They four-wheeled through the bushes and rolled up onto a beach full of kids. Joey's theory was that their GPS-dependent generation can't follow spoken directions or read maps.
Two teams were even pulled over for speeding -- the country singers and the newlyweds -- and had to make a time-consuming stop at the police station to pay their fine. The singers also had to rely on a stranger to go exchange money for them because Caroline, wasn't allowed to leave the station and Jen couldn't leave Caroline and luckily he was an honest stranger. Their inability to sweet-talk the cops after a valiant effort left one viewer with a sobering realization.
Katie, who had already started nagging her husband about losing the car, has a field day with his moving violation. "He's supposed to be the man. I said slow down. He's digging his own grave."
Meanwhile, it seemed like the hockey players were on their way to the pit stop courtesy of a successful Fast Forward before some of these folks even sniffed the village. Although Bates went in doubting his waterskiing skills, the brothers managed to stay up for a mile and overcome the fear that crocodiles were laying in wait in the murky water for their "Italian sausage lunch." They cruised stress-free in their undies to the pit stop at the Royal Tree private reserve. "I'm sitting in my underwear, it's a nice day, and you can't get better scenery than this. Africa looks good, too," one of them commented. For their third first-place finish, they were rewarded with $15,000 to split.
Bates brothers tearing it up #amazing race— ryan (@RyanMattson26) April 1, 2013
Everyone else was left to do the Road Block, which required two goats to be delivered upstream via a traditional (and unstable!) canoe. We learned that most players didn't know the first thing about steering or paddling. Wynona learned that goats do not just stay put like dogs, and what sound is made when you accidentally ram another boat (twice!). And Beth and Max learned that their partners can be snarky unsupportive hags. It seems par for Katie's course, but fans were seeing a new side to Mona, who had their goats in a sleeper hold.
We were not the only ones who found this segment hilarious:
Making Wynona paddle the canoe was clearly a tactical error. #AmazingRace— Jess (@HaymakerHattie) April 1, 2013
The newlyweds also had to perform the Speed Bump for last week's last-place finish. Considering it required finishing the beading on a skirt and then wearing it while doing a ceremonial seduction dance, it was a good thing that one of the married couples were the penalized party. It would have been high on creep factor to see the brothers doing the mating moves.
Next up: a brain vs. brawn Detour. For brains, duos had to spot 10 hidden animal cutouts while on a horseback safari and then pick out the matching tiles and arrange them in the order they saw them. Team Redneck got it on the first try, which was a surprise, given how much the Mullet Man was distracted by his hunter's envy. He pouted, "Everything I have on the wall at home is domestic U.S." In brawn, teams had to stack wood on a traditional sleigh and then entice with a dangling carrot the donkeys attached to it to pull it a half mile to deliver the wood. Everyone else chose this task, and with some fervent clapping, clucking, and carrot-ing, they managed to find their way to the woodshed, only running over a few small trees in the process.
Pam and Winnie could not coax their burros to budge, so they switched challenges. Given Pam's good track record with detail-oriented tasks, it was shocking they didn't go with the brain challenge first, and even more shocking when they missed the ostrich cutout twice. They switched back to the brawn task and finished it, but not before they fell to the bottom of the pack and were Philiminated.
"We kicked butt up to this point. This was our game changer," Winnie said. "It can't feel bad after doing this much cool stuff and going to that many cool places."
Pam added, "At least we got to see Africa. There will be no tears. Crying is for b----es."
We, however, may have shed a tear knowing that the next episode's commentary quality will inevitably suffer with the loss of these besties. Again, we were not alone in this sad stupor.
"The Amazing Race" airs Sundays at 8 PM on CBS.
- Sports & Recreation