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30 Seconds of Lou Reed and Metallica Is 30 Seconds Too Much

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On paper, a collaboration between Lou Reed and Metallica conjures up visions of a heavy metal version of Velvet Underground. In reality, it's just bad poetry with a loud soundtrack. Lulu will probably be just as ugly on the ears as it is on the eyes. A 30-second preview of Loutallica's "The View" premiered over the weekend, and it does absolutely nothing to assuage our concerns about the collaboration. It actually just intensifies them. Enjoy the longest half-minute of your day:

Sometimes, when the worlds of rock and poetry collide, the results can be pretty fantastic: Steven Jesse Bernstein's Prison with Steve Fisk, William S. Burroughs and Kurt Cobain's "The Priest They Called Him," and Brian Eno and Rick Holland's recent Drums Between the Bells are examples of the two styles meshing well together. Even Reed's old Velvet Underground merged the two very different genres well on spoken word tracks like "The Gift" and "The Murder Mystery." Reed and Metallica have no such luck. Metallica's token sludgy riffs distract from Reed's verses, which sound like a bad book-on-tape reading.

And this is only 30 seconds; Lulu is almost 90 minutes long. The people who thought Reed's Metal Machine Music was a difficult listen haven't heard anything yet.

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