Stephen Colbert whipped out his Grammy last night and mused on the benefits of taking home one of the industry's most coveted awards -- specifically, the ability to push a button on the trophy and summon a member of the Black Eyed Peas: "It's supposed to be random, but some reason I keep getting Apl.de.ap. Total rip-off."
He also broke out his 2011 Grammy ballot (winners get to vote!) and worked in a zinger about one of the show's most-maligned categories ("You win the Best New Artist Grammy, people remember your name forever. Just ask the Swingle Singers, a Taste of Honey, and of course, the Starland Vocal Band"). Picking a winner for Best Alternative Music Album -- "For the squares out there, alternative refers to the under-the-radar, independent music that edgy, anti-establishment types can buy at Starbucks" -- proved too difficult, so he challenged recent SNL performers the Black Keys to battle Vampire Weekend's Ezra Koenig in a "sell-out off" to determine who'll gain his endorsement.*
If you've punched your TV -- or a loved one because he/she was nearer than the TV -- after hearing VW's "Holiday" in a Honda ad, this one's for you:
*Pomplamoose were not nominated for a Grammy, and were therefore ineligible for this competition.
- Stephen Colbert